Hallo Wonderbeau Everyone! I hope it’s well with your soul?
So I am trying to pick off my musings one by one, not because I have more time, but because I am giving up something (my personal care, at the moment) to write. But currently, I will rather write than brush my teeth. Hopefully, that doesn’t become a habit. 😬 😅
I just read another chapter of a novel from from Notes to Women, an author on this platform, gripping stories she writes, I tell you. I stop over at her “place” on this WordPress “Avenue” to read her latest novel updates, before coming “home” to muse.
What provoked this musing was what a young lady in the story said.
And what was that?
“I am not a girl!”
I wrote in the comment section something like:
When we were girls we wished we were women. Now we are women we wish we would be girls and addressed as girls.”
As a Faith-based counsellor and from experience both personal and collective, generally girls want the benefits of womanhood and not the responsibility.
For many, it’s a constant daydream of “when I grow up…”
We daydream about it so much, that in our mind-eye, we are in stylish suits, stilettos, hair, plus a house and a car we paid for from our dream jobs.
This was one of the reasons, most women grew up feeling inadequate, because what we saw in the mirror was miles away from what we saw in our mind-eye.
We had an unfair comparison of who we were and who we wished we were. That included how we looked, versus how we wished we looked. We were a disappointment to ourselves and we wished our growth would be fast.
Most of us ignored our “girlhood” when we were girls. We didn’t give ourselves the chance to just be girls and nothing more. We love what we wished for, but we never really loved who we were.
This is beyond childish aspirations, it was a childish obsession. We were obsessed with the images of our desired future. The girl withered under the obsession of womanhood.
The girl was not nourished or nurtured, she was ignored and abandoned.
Anytime our parents or elders attempted to nurture us as girls, many of us rebelled, because we wished we were women not girls!
Unfortunately, there were girls who were happy to be girls, but monsters in human skin in conjunction with irresponsible adults, robbed them of their innocence. That’s how some girls become broken women before they even became adults.
There are two sides here:
Those who chose to not be girls.
And those who’s girlhood was damaged. (I will write more about this another time 😢)
The reality of womanhood is far from what most of us imagined or wished for.
Many of us are still, chasing that dream — including me, I must admit. We hold on to this dream, because it gives us the motivation to keep fighting forward.
Of course now we are more realistic, as we are aware that we might get what we wished, but the how might be different from our dream. We have conceded that much, but no more, or we might wilt.
We are now having to force ourselves to stop daydreaming (so much) and focus on our present self.
Not just focus for self-criticism, as we did as girls, but focus to love, appreciate, acknowledge, understand, befriend, admire and nurture our present/current self.
But most of all, we wished we had the minds and thoughts of a girl when we were girls. We wish, we had loved being girls, rather than wishing we were women, because honestly? Being a woman is psychologically draining. There’s a reason why there are lots of health supplements for women and few for specifically girls.
Many of us light up when we are called girls. Yes, some of us try to pretend we don’t like it and insist we be called “lady” — a cross between girl and woman.
Sometimes, I am saddened for the girl I could have been, the girl I was and the girl I had to be. However, lady is not what I like been called. Maybe in three decades time.
My mother who vehemently insists I must call myself a lady, does not want to understand that ladies hardly have scars, because they do not fight.
But I can’t recall when I wasn’t fighting for or against something, psychologically and spiritually. I am a woman, because women are warriors.
It’s not likely you will hear of a lady warrior, now is there.
However, physically we must allow ourselves to be girls. We need girlish expressions, which is one of the reasons, I don’t wear trousers. I just don’t see why I must look like I am coming from the battle field — even if I am fighting psychological and spiritual wars. I mean some women wear makeup that looks like war paint!
Let the girl in you come out and play. I believe the woman you have become can make sure she comes to no harm.
I love wearing my hair in two puffs, for instance. I let myself giggle. My favourite of the Barbie collection is “Princess Charm School”. I love bright colours, though I mix it up a bit.
The reality of being a woman is very daunting. The menstrual cycles, the “thinking like a man” so you wouldn’t be cheated by men both in business and romance. The breaking of glass ceilings you were not aware of. The hormonal imbalances, the postmenstrual issues, the breakouts, the skin issues, the romance you wished for not coming as easily as you thought. Falling out with friends, learning to survive alone — not by choice, but by necessity. These and many more are what makes up the life of most women.
Without a deep relationship with God through Christ, the life of a woman will be a painful one — beyond the designer this and that, luxurious house, expensive trips, fine dining, connections, and luxury lifestyle.
An expensive lifestyle will not fulfill a woman or make her happy.
Purpose, is what a woman needs. With purpose comes fulfilment, which brings contentment.
True Love: knowing she’s truly loved and truly loving in return makes being a woman a beautiful thing.
True love can only be found in God. So seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. It’s guaranteed you will find joy, which is much deeper and lasting than happiness.
Become for girls and teens, what you wished a woman was for you. Help protect and nurture the girl child as much as you can.
Be kind to yourself and be balanced when defending or disapproving other women.
Don’t be “that one woman” who throws the stone of reproach on other women. It’s not easy being a woman, but I also understand the frustration of how badly the misbehaviour of some women reflects on other women.
Try to teach another girl that’s it good to dream but it’s good to enjoy the present and enjoy everything that comes with being a girl. You cannot be a woman without being a girl first. If you skipped that part, you might be needing therapy in your 3rd to 6th decade.
But all isn’t lost.
Recall other things you enjoyed doing as a girl — apart from daydreaming and do a woman version of them, as much as possible.
4 thoughts on “Illusions of Womanhood”
Great post, Ade. I especially liked where you make it very clear how important it is for a woman to have a relationship with God. Adam had a relationship with His Creator first before he had one with the woman God created for him. Being a woman isn’t easy, for sure, but we’re unique and are also created in God’s image. We are the cherished daughters of our Heavenly King.
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Thank you so much. 💓 Relationship with GOD makes a woman an extraordinary being, indeed. Doing life without God makes for a bitter or hardened being in a female human body.
Now I want to link the chapter of the story you wrote to this post. 💐
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Thanks for incorporating the chapter of my story for your post 🙂 Much appreciated.