#past #present #future #hope #goals #dreams #wakeup, Christian Musings, Life, Purpose and life's mission, Sanguine thoughts

Wake Up 2.0

Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.


Courage.

This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear. 

Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.

You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.

But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.

You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.

Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.

Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.

That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:

  1. They cater for your need.
  2. They are your support systems. 
  3. They’re an authority over you.

Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble. 

These people —  who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.

Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them! 

When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.

And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them? 

Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.

They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage

In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.

The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”

Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.

Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:

What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”

“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”

What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”

“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”

Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”

Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated. 

Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears. 

You have to push back at their attitude, not at them!  Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.

Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.

Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you. 

Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.

I read a question once that quite deep: 

If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!

I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.

This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent. 

  • GRATEFULNESS

Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!

Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.

I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things! 

I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.

I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.

Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.

Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you. 

Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.

I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.

Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.

Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.

Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”

When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.

Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..

Shalom๐ŸŒด

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Business/Career, Christian Musings, Parenting Series, Purpose and life's mission, Sanguine thoughts

Entrepreneurship: Why?

Hello WondeBeau People!

It’s been long since I have been here — and I know I say that all the time or at least most of the time, so please bear with me. 

Starting a business is very trendy, especially in this fast and sometimes jaw-dropping millennium we find ourselves.

If you are not starting a business, you are mostly seen and regarded as a “lazy coward” — which I must say isn’t mostly true

Starting a business is more in vogue than anything the fashion plate has to offer. Infact, owning a business is the fashion plate.  



I think the — permit me to use this word — craze for owning a business stems from the wanting to be independent, or rather the declaration of independence.

After all, if you start a business, it’s a serious and responsible thing you are doing. And people will commend your folks on how well they’ve raised you, for you to venture out on your own. Even if your folks are unsure of what you’re about but they have a pretty good idea why you are about it, they will be forced to half-heartedly acknowledge that you are indeed doing something noteworthy. But…

I must say, that’s probably the most inspiring trend that has come out of this generation. I mean you can’t really blame our parents for being sceptical.

Their child who has always been getting into one scrap or the other, with parents having to clean up after them, wondering what on earth they’ve done to deserve their ordeal. And half wondering if their past — whatever that may have been — is demanding payment from them through their carefree juvenile of a child.

Then all of a sudden, the child who probably is now a teen or young adult becomes serious — way too serious for comfort and the parents are thinking, “Here we go again!”

Here they are, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Next thing is, “I want to start this business…”

And they’re thinking, “What now. Is s/he doing drugs?

Then they find out — in most cases — that their children has indeed found his/her legal genius. There was never a time they thought their children weren’t geniuses. They simply were geniuses in the wrong.

So most of the time startups had to get support from self and maybe later from the government or NGOs that support new business ventures.

It’s trilling to say, I’m an entrepreneur. Or I’m self-employed.

What does it mean? And most importantly what does it take be an entrepreneur?

Sometimes, starting a business is an avenue to vent your spleen, to release your pent up emotions or to release something that had been suppressed. To show those who think you are nobody, that you will be somebody.

I think that’s a fantastic productive way of fighting the demons — as long as you don’t run out of steam. Or you have plans on how to continue when you run out of steam.

There’s something about starting a business that exposes your weaknesses and flaws.

You need to know how to manage yourself before you can effectively and efficiently manage a business.

Earlier I was presented a question on: How do you define self-management as a lady? (even auto correct is wondering ‘what da hey?’)

Apparently this was asked in a job interview (phenomenal).

I didn’t know how to answer that question because I wasn’t familiar with that word. 

I could have responded by saying, ‘the ability to manage yourself’ and that would have been too cheeky of me. So as I usually handled things I didn’t understand, I shelved it.

The first thing that came to mind was organisation. Being able to coordinate yourself in an organised manner in a way that enhances productivity — no matter what you might be going through and irrespective of your stress level.

Now, it would be nice if that describes me, but it doesn’t — at the moment.

I express how I feel, I don’t manage it — though I’m trying to. 

Now I suspect that if you’re been asked that question in an interview, they want to find out if you can keep your personal life personal, without allowing it spill into your work life, thereby affecting how productive you are. Never crack, or fall apart no matter what. 

In other words, self-management involves your health: Taking sick leave or being physically sluggish at work, could probably be defined by the employer as, not being able to manage your health, thereby affecting your work!

If one has family problems and becomes distracted and lethargic at work, that may be defined as: being unable to control your emotions making logic and reason difficult in the work place!

If you just had your baby (congratulations!) and you need ma/paternity leave and/or extra breaks during work to take care of yourself and your babies, then you may be termed as: being unable to separate work from family/personal matters thereby reducing productivity in the work place!

In other words, whatever keeps you from giving your 100% at work is no business of the company.

What they are asking is, can you keep working per demand irrespective of what may or may not be going on in your life?

I may be overthinking things of course, but I can’t help but think this is a trick question meant to qualify, disqualify or trap an unsuspecting applicant. By the time the would-be employee knows what this is or may be about, it would have been too late to have a say in the matter.

I mean, self-management?! Come on.

Which is probably one of the major reasons why people are overcoming their fear of starting businesses and launching into the world of entrepreneurship, head first.

The other option is becoming less and less of an option. Working for someone else is becoming more unconducive by the day. Some are fortunate to work with companies who are humane and truly care for the overall well-being of their staff, but many don’t have that fortune.

The code word for this millennium is freedom. Having your own business, seems to be the only way to gain your financial independence, while maintaining your freedom of what, when and how you compromise…..

Shalom! 

Christian Musings, Movies and lessons learnt, Sanguine thoughts

Loyalty

Hello Beautiful People!

Well, I have a persistent musing I’m agitated about and so that I can sleep well, I need to share.

It’s about loyalty in it’s most misplaced, misinterpreted and abused form.

Loyalty is even used to emotionally blackmail people to support the wrong things, for goodness sake!

I don’t know why I’m surprised though. People use their twisted interpretation of the Bible to blackmail people into silence, slavery, subservience, servitude, and submission.ย Ironic how the words share the same first letter with submission.

The word “submission” seems to rub me the wrong way — which of course is not God’s fault. It simply has more to do with how the word is misinterpreted than the word itself.

Back to ‘loyalty’.

I was watching a Mexican Soap yesterday — can’t remember it’s title now.

A psychopath who strongly believes he ‘owns’ his wife — and everyone around him for that matter — has the wife filing for a divorce and invites his business partner for dinner.

The business partner just asked, “What do you want?”

Psycho: “Can’t I treat my friend and business partner to dinner?”

BP: “Just cut to the chase. What do you want?”

“You are friends with Ignacia, can you tell me what she’s up to lately?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

Then the psycho tried the you-are-my-friend-you-should-be-loyal-to-me line, when the business partner refused to spill.

Never mind that the psycho guy had gotten his business partner’s girlfriend pregnant and incited someone to kill her, when she threatened to spill their secrets.

Funny how the least loyal people make themselves an authority on loyalty and even have the nerve to demand it from others, whom they have mistreated, by the way. Very sickening.

Then today, someone was talking about the wrongs of her sibling and was apologising for it.

Then she was asked if she had better to offer in place of the sibling.

I think my thoughts froze for a few minutes. It was hard to take in.

Then when my thoughts thawed, I asked myself, isn’t the truth something good enough to offer?

Funny thing is, people were well aware of what the sibling has done.

The problem with most people was that a sister “telling on” her brother is seen as being disloyal only to gain an advantage and upper hand.

That could well be true, but when loyalty is used to cover up bad stuff, then how do we expect equity in such a society?

Loyalty shouldn’t be demanded at the cost of your conscience. Nor should you be asked to murder sleep, just to prove your loyalty to anyone.

Personally, I’m loyal to what is right and just. If you’re in the wrong and you refuse to listen to reason, I will sound the alarm on you. Or at least cut all ties with you. And if asked why, I will say, “Our ideals no longer correlate.”

Of course, anyone who knows me, will get suspicious and begin to investigate. There are different ways to tell the truth. But the truth must be said and unheld.

Of course, the truth can uphold itself. But when it does, it would be a day of regret for all those found reasons not to support the truth.

People can be more chameleonic than the animal itself. But what is right doesn’t change. I choose to place my loyalty on what is right, regardless of who is in the wrong.

Shalom.๐Ÿค—

 

 

 

Christian Musings, Movies and lessons learnt, Purpose and life's mission, Sanguine thoughts, Singles' issues

Crownie’s Chronicles

Crownie woke up late — again. She sighed. She needed to stop binging on late night movies. It was worth it in its own way, if she could convince her tired brain of that.

She had recently relocated to her dream country, Italy, because of it’s history, the arts, the ambience and maybe the famous hot Italian men.

‘Maybe’, she said, as she winked to herself.

Being a fashion designer and baker, Italy seemed the place to perfect her arts and maybe start a business, hopefully. Hope and her faith in Jesus Christ was her anchor, otherwise, she wasย toast.

Fictioneer

Christian Musings, Purpose and life's mission, Sanguine thoughts

Highs ‘n’ Lows

Hello Beautiful people ๐Ÿค— I got carried away by the surge of activities that, I only just got the chance to write, even though the tide is low now — meaning I’m oh so sleepy.

I ๐Ÿค” think part of being a sanguine, is being tidal, which means we could be extremists more often than we care to count.

I have always been a bit too controlled by emotions and feelings. Most times, I don’t do what is needed to be done because I don’t ‘feel‘ like it. But I’m learning that being a woman-adult entails, doing what I ought to be doing when and how it ought to be done. As opposed to doing things when and how I want or feel like.

It’s not easy, I tell you — to go against your feelings everyday. It’s a tug of war between my wants and right things to do. It’s so exhausting and tiring, that I end up going with my feelings most times. Unhealthy, I know. But I’m taking baby steps.

Whenever I have this surge of energy or emotions, I cut through my to-do list like hot knife through butter. But when the tide decreases, I have to force myself to work.

Feelings, emotions, among other things are tidal, which is why purpose, aspirations and goals are very important. Without aspirations, goals and purpose, we just get carried away with the tides of emotions, that more often than not, leads to nowhere. Purpose helps us control emotions. Passion in purpose overpower anything that may stand in it’s way.

I have learnt to take advantage of my tides and actually preempt it and plan for it. I use the surges in my life to get things done. Kinda like using the temporary light, that the fireworks ๐ŸŽ† provides, for something memorable before the sparks evaporate.

I embrace my tides, but I’m working on controlling them.

When the tides are low, I ignite passion of purpose, to propel me forward. I choose to do the urgent and important things during the lows.

I do the important but not urgent projects when the tides are high. I get things done better and faster.

All these comes from understanding myself, loving and accepting who I’m; learning more about me and working towards a better edition of myself, on a regular basis. It’s an adventurous journey, because you never really know what the unpredictable nature of life, will show you about yourself.

So many people fall apart, because they think self discovery is a destination and once they know enough about themselves to be successful in their endeavours, they believe that’s all there is to it. Then the changes of life happens and they react in a way, they feel is alien to their nature. They could go into denial about it, but eventually they are like, “I don’t recognise myself anymore.” But the truth is, they never fully understood the depth of their being. Nor did they understand that, there will always be more to them than what they think they know.

Understanding that self discovery is a learning process, humbles us. Because we never know, whether what we will find about ourselves, will be pleasant or unpleasant. This also makes us more tolerant, understanding, loving; less judgemental and legalistic towards others. Why? Because when we react negatively in future about…whatever, we need to be loved through the process of revising ourselves to a more positive reaction.

How do you handle your tidal feelings?

Shalom. ๐ŸŒŽ

 

via Tide

Christian Musings, Purpose and life's mission, Sanguine thoughts

Concealed Deceptions

Anytime I encounter the word ‘vague’, what comes to mind is a cleverly concealed deception, by saying or showing less of the truth to missile someone.

Hello beautiful people!๐ŸŒป I don’t know how your day started, but mine was quite an interesting start.

As I tried turning up the wicker of the stove, to light it for breakfast, the stove parts decided to unravel, one after the other. 

I became a little more awake than I was when I entered the kitchen. I was like ‘whaaa….?’ Why did this happen now?’ 

I subconsciously prayed for help and with God’s help, I put the stove back to working order. 

It was very vague of the stove, to treat me in that manner. It worked just find the last time I used it, which was late afternoon, the day before. But the good that came out of this morning’s little stove drama is that, I got another confirmation that I’m technical by nature. I felt so satisfied and so capable, that I have forgiven the vague stove, for trying to do me in. Someone would have gotten to work late or gone without breakfast, but mercy said no.

At least now I know a thing or two about the mechanism of my family’s stove and how it can be fixed. Yay.๐ŸŽ†

I have had quite a number of vague moment, events and occurrences in my life. And I find them very annoying and frustrating. 

I have strayed and wandered from something I ought to pay full attention to. But I get bored and restless after hours of doing something, none stop. 

I’m trying to be more settled, definite and distinct in my thoughts, deeds and approach. But in my defense, that is a bit much to ask of a sanguine. We can’t just sit still, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it if we try.๐Ÿ˜ณ

Up till this moment, I have always looked at vagueness from the point of someone deliberately being ‘shadowy‘ with me. I didn’t see nor realise I was also being vague to myself. Like someone once said, ‘Half truth is more devastating than a complete lie.’ When I looked up what vague means, I realised I have contributed to whatever vagueness I was experiencing. 

When I read the words: to wander, to roam, to stray; in the definition of vague; I asked myself, ‘How many times have I wandered, roamed or strayed from the Truth, my truth, my true calling and purpose?’ 

Sometimes staying determined can make one weary and wear at one’s clarity, when doubt creeps in, especially when nothing seems to change, despite all the efforts.

So sometimes before I get overwhelmed with doubting the cause I’m determined to stay on, I ‘go on a break’ which may not be completely different from straying. 

One needs to go on breaks, no doubt, but the real question is ‘why’? Am I going on a break because I need to be refreshed to continue; or am I going on a break because I don’t believe in what I’m doing?

I want to stop hurting me and start working towards my complete healing, by not lying to me anymore.

Avoiding the truth, is lying to one’s self. And I want to stop insulting my own intelligence. So help me God!

Shalom๐Ÿ™‹