Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.
This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear.
Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.
You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.
But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.
You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.
Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.
Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.
That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:
- They cater for your need.
- They are your support systems.
- They’re an authority over you.
Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble.
These people — who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.
Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them!
When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.
And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them?
Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.
They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage.
In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.
The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”
Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.
Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:
“What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”
“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”
What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”
“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”
Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”
Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated.
Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears.
You have to push back at their attitude, not at them! Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.
Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.
Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you.
Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.
I read a question once that quite deep:
If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!
I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.
This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent.
Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!
Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.
I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things!
I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.
I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.
Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.
Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you.
Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.
I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.
Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.
Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.
Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”
When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.
Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..