Christian Musings

Who Should Be a Parent: Demands of Parenting 

He-llo-o Beautiful People of this Global Village! 

Wherever you are from your part of the world, I want to encourage you to;

 make every minute of your day count, like a minute will cost you a quarter of your country’s annual budget. 

From that perspective I believe you know what to do.

On a spiritual note: 

Listening to the Holy Bible, while we do our work outs and chores, helps some of us who have a hard time sitting still long enough to spend quality time reading the scriptures. 

Health Reminder

Drink warm or room temperature water. Swallowing chilled anything congeals the blood.

On fashion:

As a woman, if you are have an athletic build or you have broad shoulders, wear plain and deep coloured tops, with vertical necklines. Then wear bright coloured  prints/patterns/florals as your skirt.

Beauty Tip:

Touch your face only when you want to clean your face or apply skin care. This is mostly for those of us who have break-outs.

I have been posting about millenial parenting recently, and apparently it’s a topic that might span several posts based on the fact that there are different angles to this issue

Parenting is serious business that has to be handled with firm but gentle hands. 

It can be confusing and mind boggling, because you need to have the right balance and flexibility. It’s like doing both extremes at the same time. For example, you can’t be either disciplined or gentle. You need to be both. One can’t be without the other. And to top that, you need to be too much of both, at the same time. 

It’s a message to your children, that you love them too much to let them be undisciplined. It’s like sweetening a bitter medicine they need to swallow so they can live. So they are more likely to take the medicine because it has been sweetened, rather than you having to resort to force feeding. 

Based on this illustration, discipline is needed to live to ones full potential, therefore it’s compulsory to be disciplined. The more disciplined one is, the better chances a person has to be more successful in life. 

It’s easier to live a disciplined life, when a person has been taught that from childhood. It becomes a habit and it stays a habit when the results are outstanding. 

However, the training to be disciplined is very rigorous that more often than not, it breaks the soul or hardens the heart of the trainee. They become distant emotionally. Because discipline demands you ignore your feelings and just get the job done. If that is done often enough, the trainee gets used to not feeling at all. 

In fact, they get to a point were they decide that being emotional is a sign of indiscipline. Lord help whoever marries them in that state. Their spouses who are emotionally active will have a hard time understanding why, someone can be so unfeeling and seem cold. Now, there won’t be a problem if two emotionally distant people marry each other. But, those are rare cases. Who knows? Maybe it’s their soul crying out for a release that attracted them to someone who is highly emotional — without them being aware of what’s going on.

And if their emotions are not awakened before their children come, the children might wonder why one parent is all hugs and kisses, while the other is distant and unfeeling. And then another negative  pattern is forming, because the children will take it personal. They would try to get the attention and please the unresponsive parent who doesn’t seem to love them. And most times they fail and they may turn to rebellion, to the heart break of the loving parent and the silent  disappointment of the distant parent. 

Hence, the call for intense discipline sweetened with lots of love. Love makes the difference on how they decide to apply that discipline. Love is life. 

The Bible says that, if we do all good works, but have no love, then we’ve done nothing. Love coupled with discipline makes great positive impact. Discipline without love makes life a mere routine of dull existence. Love without discipline is life without proper focus. Love helps us identify purpose, but discipline helps us see it through — reach our goal. 

As parents and aspiring parents, we need to understand that parenting is leadership. You lead your children to where/were they need to be. And what that means is, you are as a matter of fact, going to were/where you are leading. In other words, you are being followed, closely by your children, in all you do. 

Now if that scares you, then you need to change your ways. 

Reminds me of a resolution I made recently, concerning who I marry. 

I can understand the good-girl-lovingbad-boy syndrome among staunch Christian women. I mean I’m going through that phase at the moment. I find myself in my past-mid-20s having a crush — a crush for goodness sakes! — for a guy (and I used the word guy intentionally, for obvious reasons) who is at the other extreme of what I want, not to mention need, in a husband. 

So yeah, I understand too well how one can be attracted to ones opposite or the opposite of what one wants. 

But do I make a lifetime decision based on a crush? No! Absolutely not. And my head is shaking side to side in emphasis. 

Why? Some people may ask, can’t I follow my ‘heart’? Well, the heart can be deceptive and I don’t trust it.

I mean, how can I trust a heart that tells me to do the opposite of what I know is best for me?

If I look at a man or guy and I can’t imagine my unborn son dressing, walking, behaving like him, then he’s not to be considered — at all. 

And this is were a lot of women have missed it and unfortunately still missing it. 

They choose a guy who’s not interested in man-ing up. A guy who’s not ready to be settled, responsible. A guy who is not willing to be a husband and father. They chose him because he’s cute and he has a sexy voice. Ha! 

But of course, the smitten woman will not tell you that, because they know you will drag them to church for deliverance while pleading the blood of Jesus over their befuddled self. All they would say is, “He’s a nice guy and he’s got potential. He just needs someone to help him find his way to the Lord.” Ha

Well, I know all the cute, sexy, nice and potential alone, cannot give me the husband I need and the father my babies need. 

Let’s not forget that when we are shopping for a spouse, we are also shopping for a father/mother for our unborn children.

Enough said. 

So we need to watch were/where we go or are going. If your children can’t go somewhere, then you — yes you! — can not go there either. Children always have an inclination to be or do in multiples, what we are doing — even in private. Because children are wired to do or copy what you are doing whether they see you do it, or not.

So if you have planted a seed you don’t want to reap, you had better uproot it. Because whatever is planted comes back hundred fold. If that scares you, then change your ways.

My conclusion for this segment, is if you want loving and disciplined children, then you need to be loving and disciplined. Show them how, with your actions, then allow them to interpret your demonstrations in their own understanding. As long as they are not committing a crime or sin, it fine to be flexible.

I recall reading a post, or a quote by a well-known billionaire. He was reported to have said, he likes giving difficult jobs to lazy people, because they find easy ways to do the job. 

Understand that everyone is a unique person on their own. Therefore don’t force your children to do the right thing, your own way only. If you do, you will squash their creativity, their ability to think independently; sort through challenges without external influence and be confident enough to take decisions on their own. 

Love and discipline means nothing if you can’t teach children to stand alone with God. 

Till next time, stay rapturable. 


Christian Musings, Parenting Series, Purpose and life's mission

Millenial Parenting 2.0

Hello Wonderful People 

From last post, I was writing about parenting of today and how it is deforming the upcoming generation. 

It seems easier and more convenient to give money to children in exchange for real commitment and communication.

I understand that today’s world is so fast that it makes it hard to keep track of what happens around us; but if we are willing, we can be partners with our children to build their destinies. 

This means you can’t take the high handed, know-it-all approach to parenting. 

Parenting takes leadership and leadership is through example of leading yourself, walking the talk and being sincere/honest about your struggles. 

My heartfelt thanks goes to those who are pouring the best of themselves into their children, guiding them towards God, helping them to discover and maximize their potentials. You are indeed the true legends of our time, because you are building legacies. Thank you. I pray you reap and enjoy the fruits of your labour, in Jesus Christ name. Amen. 

I believe most absentee parents are absent because they are still busy chasing their personal demons — or being chased by their personal demons. 

These demons drive their career obsessions —  obsession for recognition, money, power, fame. And it’s never enough, at the expense of every other thing or person in their lives. 

Such people run scared everytime commitment and communication stares them in the face. This is because they are afraid of what might spill out of them if they open up; since commitment and communication takes opening up — sometimes it takes being honest and  vulnerable.

It’s often said, you can’t give what you don’t have. But I think it’s more of, not knowing or willing, than not having. That is, it’s not the absence of love, commitment etc, but the not knowing how to love and commit, or not willing to give what it takes.

After all, we are wired or made for relationships. Therefore we have what it takes to create, nurture and build meaningful relationships. 

However, it takes a level of selflessness to have a meaningful relationship. 

And since there’s so much talk to focus on self and self only, relationship are now used as means to further the self agenda only.  Not caring if the others involved, are heading to hell in a hand basket — unless if there’s more juice to squeeze of them. 

At the end of the day, it was all about what to squeeze out of others to further boost self. Therefore, the motto of those who have gotten drunk on self,  who worship at the shrine of self is: 

What’s in it for me?

 Whatever involves personal investment, is of no interest to them. 

If that isn’t narcissism, then I don’t know what it is. 

Now, does that mean we should not care for ourselves and look out for our best interests?

Of course not. 

But the point is: treat others the way you want to be treated, and in the same vein never allow others to treat you like you don’t treat others. 

You can go a step further, and treat others the way they desire to be treated. 

Okay, so you are like, What? am I to be subject to other people’s desires? 

Well, no. 

But take for instance, some people don’t mind or don’t care  — at least that’s what they say — others making fun of them or discussing their past, or gossiping about them. 

Does that give them the permission to gossip and make fun of others?

Well, I say NO! 

I recalled watching a show were basically all the host does is mostly to analyze, dissect and talk about others, especially in scandalous circumstances. 

Don’t ask me, why I watch the show. 

I have asked myself the same question, and I don’t have a coherent answer. Yet. 

I don’t want to think I’m probably as guilty as the host, for watching how people are nearly torn apart. But in my defence, I don’t watch it all the time. And the times I do watch, is when I’m trying to make sense of a crazy situation going on. 

So, this particular episode was about a man who mentioned an ex during an interview. Apparently, the husband of his ex was not happy about that, so the husband came out and saying he didn’t want the man and some others talking about his wife. 

Now, one would expect the man to simply out of respect, take note and not talk about the ex — who happens to be a married woman now — again. 

Well no. He too ‘clapped back’ saying no one should tell him what to do or say. If he was asked a question he would answer, regardless of who was involved.

My questions:

Was that really necessary? Where did mutual respect and consideration for others go to? 

What was worse, was that a woman was in support of a woman’s past being talked about like that. That’s definitely a topic for another day. 

You might wonder what all these show talk has to do with parenting. 

Well, the people involved are parents!!

If the man didn’t care about his ex, could he be considerate towards her children? By not giving school bullies ammunition to torture these children in school or social gatherings? 

And we all know how children can be mean to one another. 

I don’t know why some people don’t think, before talking. Especially, when they are supposed to be adults — who also happen to have children. 

What are they teaching their children? 

That it’s okay to say what you want, how and when you want without any thought for who might be hurt? 

On a side note: These are things I think feminists should speak against — considering it involves a woman. 

Till next time, stay rapturable.

Shalom 💜🌎💚

Christian Musings

Sea Sick, Land Love! 

“Very well, my little cherry. If I tell you a story will you allow me to rest?” Empress Indira wearily asked her barely one year old plump and sassy princess.

The only response she got was more bouncy squeals of delight.

Indira laughed inspite herself. She was tired. Being the ruler queen of one kingdom and the queen wife of an emperor, was tasking — if one took one’s responsibilities seriously, that is.

Presently, her little one was gnawing at the emerald on her veil.

She sighed. She should have known that when BrunFreid was quiet, she was up to something.

Just as she was about to scold the little princess, her princess cousin wandered in.

Her beautiful cousin — who has spent most of her life touring the world on business — prefered the sea to land, hence her interest in any family affair that involves travelling on water. Which is why she was surprised by her cousin’s visit to her new home.

‘Greetings Brunnie, enjoying a late evening repast? Emerald? Only the best for her little highness’, Indira’s cousin teased.

‘Her name is BrunFreid, MayRose.’, Indira corrected.

‘But what sort of name is that?’

“It’s the name given her by her parents — coined from her parents’ names — when they gifted her to me to raise and to comfort me after Carlos’ death…. You already know the story.”

“Aye. But I find it hard to understand why a mother will give up her child. Especially when she’s a warrior queen with a warrior king as husband.”,  MayRose wondered as she tried to pull the emerald from Brunnie’s stubborn gums.

“I suspect it’s gratitude for helping them secure their relationship and to secure the heiress-apparent to the thrones, if her parents can’t manage to give her siblings to share the burden of kingdom leadership”, Indira mused as her daughter protested the lose of her gums’ gem, while MayRose cheered in victory.

“You are hopeless, May“, Indira chuckled.

“Since when did it become hopeless to cheer in victory?” May asked with a straight face.

“Since when the conquered is a child” Indira replied.

The cousins burst into giggles. As the conquered tried to take a stand, while her nursemaid hovered near by.

“Tell me, about your travels, May.”

“It’s being an adventure. Too much of it, I fear. For I’m sea weary at the moment. The storms — praying your ship does not fall apart.” May paused as she took a healthy drink of fruit juice.

“The good side of it is the feeling you get at sea, like you have a different world all to yourself. A sense of freedom. Then when you dock, the feeling of mingling with different kinds of people with languages and cultures different from yours”, May thought aloud.

“How is the emperor with Brun, I’ra?”

“Those two? They like each other. He likes children and she thinks he’s the best thing after her favourite fruit. She’s grins at him everytime.”

“You jest.” May said in amazement.

“Indeed not”

“Intriguing. What about you?” May queried seriously.

What about me?” Indira wondered.

“Aye You. Madame Queen. Do you like your husband?” May persisted.

“Yes.” Indira replied a bit shyly.

“Hmmm. And what do you intend to do about it?” May queried.

“Nothing really. Except take my time and let our relationship grow naturally”, Indira mused.

“So, what do you think of my brother-in-law?”, The Empress asked as she recalled how smitten the king — ruling with his emperor brother  — was of her cousin when she arrived.

“Nothing”, drawled May hesitantly as she wondered were Indira was headed with her line of questioning.

“Well, I was wondering since you are sea sick, you might consider him as someone you could start a family with”, Indira suggested.

“You don’t say, Malika”, May drawled as her eyes lightened with amused understanding.

“And what happens to him when I get land sick?”, May asked in rhetoric.

Indira didn’t know how to respond to that. She simply worried if her cousin will ever settle in love.

She looked into her cousin’s jade eyes, conveying her thoughts and her cousin looked back at her with an answering thought,

“Soon my friend. I will consider him. But like you, If it is to be, it has to be natural and I will not  be hastened.”

“Well, I found this cobbled walk-way beside the sea, I think we should all take a walk.” Princess MayRose suggest as she got up and adjusted her hooded bejewelled dress.

“Excellent. It would seem you have been spying on my husband’s lands”, Indira teased as she pulled her veil over her face in preparation to leave her palace. She had to. This was not her father’s kingdom where it was forbidden to look at the women of the royal family. Here the high ranking officers could look, and she did not like the way some of them gawked at her. Hence, the veil.

“I was touring, not spying. There is a distinct difference, I believe”, May replied as she walked with her cousin while the Empress entourage preceded and followed in orderly procession.

A clash of steel sounded ahead as spears were crossed to stop an orderly from moving any further towards the procession.

Her head maid approached, bowed and said, “A message from His Highness, my Queen.”

“Tell the orderly to approach and tell me the message”,  Empress Indira ordered.

“My Queen, His Highness requests your presence at the cobbled walkway beside the sea, if you desire to see the shipment you requested as they are unloaded”, the orderly said with head bowed.

“Is my lord Emperor there?” Indira asked.

“Yes indeed, your Highness”, replied the orderly.

“Very well. Tell my lord, I’m on my way there, and I would very much like to see the cargo.” replied the Empress.

“Yes, your Highness” the orderly said as he ran towards his horse and rode off.

“Perfect timing, I must say, cousin.” May said.

“Indeed, May” Indira replied with a bit of excitement.

Because she was adamant to walk on her own feet, it took a bit of time to get there.

It looked quite foggy over the endless looking sea. Walking on the cobblestone felt like she was walking on a ship. Another thinking spot, Indira thought.

Or meeting spot, as she sighted her husband around the descending curve leading to the shore.

“Greetings, my fair queen” Her husband said as he smiled and greeted with a slight bow.

“Greetings, my king. Your day faired well I hope? ” Indira said with a smile.

“My day fairs much better after seeing you”, The Emperor replied as he gazed into his wife’s eyes.

MayRose gave a delicate snort of amusement, as she witnessed the interaction between her cousin and her husband.

The Emperor glanced her way, gave a slight bow and said,

“Greetings, Princess. I hope you are already enjoying your stay here?”

“I am. Thank you, your Highness. I’m honoured by your hospitality”, May replied with a slight bow of her own.

The Emperor smiled with a, “Shall we? ”

“Aye”, the cousins replied in unison and smiled at each other as they walked excitedly the surprisingly beautiful shore towards the boxed treasures of far off lands being delivered on the shore.  #writephoto

Christian Musings

A Drop of Water…

Nothing is ever too small. Everything, no matter how small, makes a difference, either positively, or negatively.

I have this principle I follow — among other things. ‘Never underestimate anyone or anything’. Doing that could spell doom.

If someone does something bad at ‘micro’ level, I believe it’s only a matter of time before they do something bad in a big way, and I’m not waiting around to witness that. Why? Because I believe it’s easier to do wrong than it is to do good. Doing what is right and true takes courage and God’s grace, and a passion for righteousness. It’s not easy to do what is right, but my Bible tells me that with God, ALL things are possible.

Another reason I don’t belittle anyone or anything is that great people/things often start small. Nothing is ever small really, if you know how to spot greatness. It’s about quality and not quantity.

A whole production can grind to a screeching halt, if a so-called ‘micro’ operation is faulty.

I read the story of a war pilot, whose plane got hit and was about to crash. He reached for his parachute to get him out of the plane, and he was saved. One day, he met a man, and as they got talking, he realized this man was the one who made sure his parachute was in the plane before take off.

Now, to some people that might seem like a micro job. But to that pilot, it was that job well done, that saved his life.

Micro is not ‘insignificant’. Actually, the small things can tip the scale for or against and they are quite indispensable — if you ask me.

A drop of water makes a mighty ocean. Never see your contribution to anything as too small to make any difference. Just make sure your drop of water is for a right course, because you reap what you sow. And seeds are small, right?

So if you don’t want to reap something, don’t sow it. If you don’t want an ocean of dirty/toxic ocean, don’t add a drop of water to it.