My Redeemer Lives

Another year is gone

I’m still all alone 

Says a popular song

Alone 

Without the family I crave

The life I prayed for

Is not what I have

Despair struggles to get in,

While I  barely can shut it out

Hope deferred,

Makes the heart weary

I’m not afraid of getting older

But I feel shame for not having

My dream fulfilled

Yet

When will my reflection show

Who I’m inside

Restlessness fuels

My movement

Feeling too weak 

To be frustrated

Feeling too tired to be tired

But my Redeemer is strong

The Lord of hosts

Is His name

And I know He’s fighting for me

To hold my peace

Is all I’m required

Even that

Seems like a chore

Heal me Oh Lord

And I shall be healed

Safe me and I shall be saved

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Crown of Thorns

Hello WonderBeau People.🤗

I’m thrilled to be here. Especially soon after the last post. That is exciting!

I guess I’m beginning to develop a good habit. Keep it up, Girl! I believe high-fiving meself is in order.🙌

The day before, I was musing about how all women are queens, whether they are coronated or not.

However, at different stages in a woman’s life, she wears different types of 👑 crowns.

In case we are not aware, life is beautiful only when we realize life is a battle.

Therefore we must develop a fighting spirit that will enable us to demand our fair share from life because life isn’t fair.

Back to crowns.

When a woman is going through deep-seated pain, that seems too deep to be reached or expressed — not unlike a persistent under skin itch, feeling it but unable to reach it — it affects every area of her life.

Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, there might be instability or restlessness and it’s likely she develops a bad habit in the midst of all that helpless pain.

A bad habit as a coping mechanism, like temporarily inflicting pain to distract from the existing pain — more like digging underneath one’s feet.

Rumour has it that crowns have some point like teeth in them, that pricks the head of the wearer, so as to remind the crowned of their responsibilities.

That may have something to do with the saying:

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

Of course, if it was smooth on the inside, the crown is likely to slip off at every slight movement.

So I’m also assuming that the teeth in the crown anchor it to the head more firmly.

Apparently, there’s always a discomfort to wearing a crown, no matter how rare, expensive or beautiful it is.

The teeth in a beautiful crown may not be that different from wearing a crown of thorns.

Makes me wonder if there’s a difference between a crown of thorns and a crown with thorns.

Adversity leads to advancement, more often than not.

Jesus Christ was and still is the Word. According to John chapter 1:

1. In the beginning, was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God

2. The same was at the beginning with God

2. All things were made by him, and without him was not anything made that was made.

Had all that prestige, but for him to be the Messiah king he had to live, feel and die like a common man.

For you to lead, you need to feel and live like those you plan to lead. That’s primarily training for leadership.

Jesus Christ became the name above all other names that at the name of Jesus every knee must bow. Of things in heaven, on things in earth and underneath the earth. And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.

Because Jesus lived among men, he understood what we need to survive in the battlefield of life.

Therefore according to Luke 10:19, Jesus gave us power that nothing shall by any means hurt us.

Everything he suffered was so that through his suffering we might have life abundantly.

The crown of thorns comes before the crown of glory. Otherwise, we are most likely to abuse the power and authority that comes with the crown of glory.

I think the reason great empires fell, was because those at the helm of affairs ruled rather than lead. Therefore they refused to give power to the people. As soon as they fell the power of the empire fell with them.

However, if they had worn the crown of thorns before wearing the crown of glory, they would have understood that the people are the true custodians of power.

There family businesses — especially the ones who are past their 100th birthday– who would name the new CEO or chairperson only after the candidate has successfully worked his/her way up starting from the gate-person, through all the various departments and sections of the company. And maybe that’s why such businesses have not only outlived their founders, they have become greater with each generation.

Some of these companies also have employees whose grandparents had not only worked in the same company but also own shares in the company.

Now if the kings and emperors of times past, had understood, that to live forever, long after they are gone, they had to hand power to the people. And that power will have multiplied in different forms among all the people, then they would have had a history, rather than becoming history — lost in the sands of time

Because Jesus Christ gave us power, now he lives and reigns forever on earth and in our hearts.

Maybe attempts had been made in times past to wipe out Christiandom. But all they succeeded in doing was to make the Gospel of Jesus spread faster.

Now we have the centuries counted as B.C. {Before Christ} and A.D. (After the death of Christ, who is now risen in glory).

There’s a lot to be learnt from Jesus Christ, only if we can open our hearts to him.

Shalom.💚

Note: I wrote this in instalments on different days.

Courage for Today.

Hi Beautiful People.

I feel tired and overwhelmed and restless.

I feel tired of being too tired to be who I wanted to be — who I want to be.

Having plans sometimes is like setting oneself up to fail.

I mean tell me:

What do I do when I make plans and things don’t fall into place because the obstacles were much?

Well, I reverted back to prayers.

Of course, I have always prayed. But there’s praying and there’s praying.

There’s praying in your head and there’s my-heart-is-bleeding-I-can’t-take-this-anymore praying.

Praying with a bleeding heart, is like trying to burst a boil at maturity. It’s painful to touch, much less squeeze and it throbs painfully without being touched.

To leave it on it’s own is not an option, because the pain increases to the point of insomnia.

So you have to clench your teeth against the pain and burst the boil. Once you do, you feel better and relieved.

Sometimes until the pain of where we are stuck in, is greater than the pain of breaking free, we might not pursue true liberty –Paraphrased from the novel “The Last Ten Percent” by Michelle McKinney Hammond

Breaking free can be a Herculean task, but it’s not impossible.

Speaking of Herculean tasks, I recall — not that I have been able to forget — the movie “Hercules” whose lead actor is Dwayne Johnson (I think I might watch it again).

I don’t know if I have written this before, but I believe Dwayne found his true calling in acting. He may have wanted to be a sports man, but his size and skills makes him a better actor as warrior in period/medieval movies.

Back to Hercules.

There are lots of lessons to glean from the movie, but the one that relates most to this particular “muse-ticle” on the issue of pain, is best described by my latest finding on this popular quote:

What doesn’t kill you……

Had. Better. Run!!!!

If you are going through pain I recommend Hercules the movie, featuring Dwayne Johnson — I had to add that, because I don’t know if there are other movie versions.

Hercules had lost enough to kill a man, but when he found the truth about his painful past under …less than congenial circumstances, the truth set him free. And in setting himself free others also gained their freedom right along with him.

No wonder, Jesus Christ said and I quote:

Ye shall know the truth and the truth will make you free.

End quote.

A pastor recently said the word make in that scripture is deliberate and has it’s meaning to the text, but we will talk about that in other muse-letters.

Hercules was legendary for his brute strength and his long strings of victory, but he was running away from a memory.

Which brings me to another point:

To be free from a pain you must gather the courage exclusive for it, because you can’t borrow courage from another experience or victory. You need to begin courage or encourage yourself all over again. Therefore, courage is exclusive.

That’s why we see that many of us are fearless in so many aspects, yet have deep seated phobias in one or more areas of our lives. Phobias we choose to ignore, but they are there waiting — waiting to spring unpleasant surprises on us in our most vulnerable moments.

I wish courage was all encompassing. I really do, because it makes the business of living much easier.

But unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you see it, courage or encouragement does not work that. And I’m learning that the hard way.

This reminds me of the prophet Elijah — the prophet who called down fire more than once in his day. The prophet who never tasted death. Went straight to heaven alive in heavenly escort of horses and chariots of fire.

I mean, that was some serious wonderment that amazes me every time I think about it.

Yet, the same man who stopped rain and called it down when it suited him. Who escaped arrest many times just by disappearing and appearing wherever and whenever he wanted;

Ran away….. ran away, when a witch threatened him!

Some say God had to call him home earlier than planned, because he allowed himself to be frightened by something less than what he had crushed in the past.

The explanation I have for that is: his courage failed him or he lost courage.

This leads me to believe that courage is food we need to injest daily, to be able to withstand unforseen threats that may distabilize us.

Courage is food we need to learn how to feed ourselves with i.e personal encouragement.

We can’t leave our encouragement in the hands of others. Because it’s not always, we can have someone around us to encourage us. Like Dwayne Johnson’s character in Hercules had.

When we depend on yesterday’s meal to sustain us, we would soon faint.

The same applies to courage.

Shalom🌿💚🌴

101 Posts on WordPress

Hello Beautiful People!

How’s life?

When I saw in my notification box that I have 100 posts, I looked back at when wordpress was like an exclusive club of intelligent people and I wished I was part of them.

Well, I am now — sort of. But it’s not such a mirage anymore.

I never liked writing, but I loved to read and talk. Well, it’s actually read or talk. If I wasn’t reading, I was talking.

Now I don’t have much opportunities to talk. Because well, to talk, you actually need someone who is willing to listen.

I don’t have that, always. I understand. Everyone has their lives to live. But it doesn’t solve my need to be heard, so what to do?

Then I hardly go out. So I don’t have many opportunities to reach out to those who want to listen.

So I was stuck with entertaining myself with reading and watching fiction — sometimes non-fiction.

I felt so lonely and sometimes when I was so stressed and tired, I felt unloved.

I hear people say things like, “You need to get off social media and connect to ‘real’ people!”

Then I thought, are they saying people on social media are fake, as in ‘unreal’?

I didn’t believe that, of course. Because before social media we have heard of, met or even connected with fake people that some of us began to wonder if we or the ‘fakees’ are the aliens.

Either we were the humans in a fake planet or we were the aliens who dropped in a strange human world.

Therefore blaming the internet for the emergence of unreal people, is just ridiculous.

Another thing is, what if you have tried to connect with people physically and it didn’t work? What do you do then? You find other ways to connect with people. And the internet is the ‘place’ for that.

The internet had provided outlets for me. I have ‘met’ interesting people from different places.

And we have connected in ways I can’t even connect with my folks.

I suppose being anonymous or ‘far away’ helps you unwind, relax and open up.

I still haven’t found that person or group of people I can call my tribe, but I’m not lonely again.

Thanks mostly to God for giving me outlets to express myself in writing, fashion, reading, praying, singing and so on.

Writing is the one that surprises me the most.

I thought you simply had to love writing and be a genius to be a writer.

I have learnt that sometimes you just had to be yourself to be a writer.

You just have to be tired of silence, to be tired of hearing yourself speak, to be a writer.

If you have a journal or diary then you are a writer.

Your life is more than enough to write about — no matter how boring you think it is.

Forget about whether you can be articulate in writing.

Forget about not knowing how to put the right words together.

Forget about who would or wouldn’t like what you want to write.

If you want to write, then you must write. Period. No what ifs.

I took the courage to let my thoughts find expression, and I’m loving it.

I have lots to write about, but I’m thankful for what I can write, when I can write. It’s far better than not writing at all.

I still don’t like to write, but I love how writing makes me feel : Free, Unburdened, Unfettered, Unchain.

I think everyone should be a writer in whatever way you choose to.

This writing journey has encouraged and enboldened me to try out other things I don’t feel I can do, but I think I can do, or I want to do.

In fact, I’m at risk of adding too much to my plate of activities.

I restraining myself a bit, to focus, master and enjoy all I’m doing presently — one major endeavour at a time.

There’s no need to stress myself out.

Focus,

De-stress,

Stay calm,

Stay rapturable.

Be blessed. Shalom.🌿🌴💚

I’m Back?

Hello Amazing people! How have you been holding up and holding the fort of this vast blogging community?

 I have missed been here. And it’s not because I have nothing to say, but because I felt overwhelmed by other things going on in my life, so much so that it demanded my full attention. I ended up feeling too exhausted to come here, much less write anything.

Generally speaking? I can say it’s a woman’s thing. Pardon me, fellow women who can’t relate. I’m happy for you. Truly.

 If something is off in any area of our lives, we try to shoulder everything at the same time — pointlessly so — because we start running on fumes then we burn out and something slips out of our hands. And we hope against hope, that it’s not something breakable that will shatter to smitterings at our tired feet, while we look on with a dazed tired look.

We dare not try to pack up the mess we unwittingly created, otherwise something else might fall from us and crash — again.

At that point, we are too tired to scream, so all we want to do is kick off our shoes, find a place to curl up and have a good cry.

The result of outward things slipping and falling, are reflections of things falling apart on the inside of us. So instead of us to do the sensible deed, of properly handling the issues before they get out of hand, we decide to play ostrich — avoiding a situation by getting overtly involved in other things, until we can no longer get involved in anything.

When I say anything, I mean anything! We don’t want to get out bed. We binge on food, movies or anything else. Personal grooming? What’s dat? It’s gone out of the window. We end up looking and behaving as messy as we feel. Aren’t those signs of depression? Oh well. Crap happens.

I didn’t get that off my rocker — this time. But still, I felt angry and weary. 

I did binge on food and a Zee World TV series. Pretty healthy food though, I think?

The series was Jodha Akbar. Pretty gripping after about the 10th episode. I will tell you more about that later.

Now back to things slipping and shattering to smithereens at tired feet.

It could be a marriage hitting the rocks — God forbid! It could be a relationship gone south. A business or career nose diving or plummeting. A child in trouble or troubled, or both. Family brouhaha. These are fragile precious things that must not slip, but unfortunately sometimes they do.

In mine case, I slipped from the gathering of the brethren, blogging, personal spiritual exercises. For months. I think it’s because they reminded me — painfully so — what I don’t have, yet, that I believe I should have had eons ago. 

I felt, ‘Who was I fooling? My enemies lives suck (not mine, thank you!)’ 

It‘s a feeling I fall into from time to time, until God picks me up and keeps me moving.

I don’t feel 100% optimistic yet, but by God’s grace I’m getting more stable by the day.

I just pray that everything falls into the rightful place in my life, soon. 

More specifically, I pray that ‘the lines fall unto me in pleasant places‘, according to Psalms 16, so that I will be ‘comforted on every side’ according to Psalm 71. 

It is well🌴Shalom🌿