Christian Musings, Parenting Series, Purpose and life's mission

Millenial Parenting

Hello WonderBeau People! 

In my last post, I asked what topic you would like me to post about. 

After a whatsapp chat with a reader, the reader asked that I write a piece on absentee parents. 

A large part of the chat was about how unrestrained children are these days and the role the parents of today are playing or not playing as the case may be. 

Real parenting seems to have deteriorated over time. 

I will tell you what I mean. 

While I was growing up, children my age were popularly referred to as children of now-a-days. 

That reference was of a derogatory nature, followed with a huge world-weary sigh of long-suffering tolerance. 

And if, our elders were not too tired of our shenanigans, they would launch into comparisons between their time and these days. 

They would go back memory lane of how they dared not think, much less do, what we children did way too easily for — or should I say against — the comfort of their strict upbringing. 

If someone had told me, I would find myself saying the same thing our parents and their parents were saying about my age group, as adolescents, I would have argued the point. But here am I thinking “children and teens of these days”. But I digress. 

In our grandparents’ days, theirs was mostly communal parenting.

They often recalled how they couldn’t get away with anything even if they tried — and try they did. But they always got caught, sooner than later, because there were eyes everywhere. And someone was bound to report a misdemeanor to the family of the miscreant. 

Isn’t that the grandchild of so and so?” An observing elder would muse to the neighbour.

Elder 2 will squint their eagle eyes  and say, “Sure is.”

Before, the cocky lad or lass gets home, an itinerary of their escapades has been given to the family. 

With a few clever questions, the truth or the lies have been discovered to chagrin of the youngster. Disciplinary actions are swiftly taken, of course. 

Apparently, in a system like that, you were forced to behave and act accordingly. Otherwise, there will be immediate consequences. 

People assisted one another back then. Communities came together to help individuals and nuclear families to stand on their feet. There was more of inter-dependence than independence. Those were the days when trade by batter was how they lived and the means of exchange. 

Having money was not a strong desire, but belonging to a community

Belonging to a community, was how you grew, how you have security, how you survived — like a herd. 

You were protected because everyone was looking out for you and others. People had and covered one another’s backs, because all they had was one another. 

Since farming and animal husbandry were the major occupations, they had barn raisings. Were a community would come and assist in building a house and barn for a family. They made a community party.

It would seem that animals know how to live better than us these days, because we don’t move in herds…sorry…community anymore.

It’s all about me, myself, and I country. Commitment issues are flying around all over the place and no wonder. We never really learned the essence of being committed to were one has chosen to belong. 

Even basic friendship sucks these days. You hear people say, you can be out of touch with someone for years and if you reconnect like you never parted ways then *that* was friendship. 

Can you believe such hogwash? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first read it on social media — yep — social media, of all places. I felt sick to my stomach after reading that. I just couldn’t digest it. It was that bad. Horrible, in fact.

My first thought was, who took it upon themselves to check up on the other all those years the “friends” were incommunicado?

How can you even call someone your friend when you have no idea what they’re doing or how they are doing? 

Like I said, the evolution of friendship in today’s world is sickening. Is it any coincidence that suicide rate is high? And people who were supposed to be their “friends” cannot account for why they committed suicide? How awful is that? 

They say suicide rate is high these days, because there was a time when it was so low, it was a rarity. And why not? The community knew who was who, because in most cases they cared. They check up on their neighbours. You couldn’t be lonely even if you tried, because your community won’t allow you. That was real community service — not the one related to jail sentence. And if, if someone does take their life, people will be able to tell why. And then, it’s mostly because the victim refuses to accept or ask for help — not because there was no one available or willing to help! 

Interesting how community and communication has so much in common just by looking at them. There’s a certain kind of intimacy that accompanies real community and communication. 

Now we have neither communication nor community. We have deliberately lost them. What is worse, is that we don’t seem to care. 

From what I have observed, it’s tough on two parents trying to raise one child. I can’t imagine how it’s like for single parents. 

Which is why a lot of parents depend heavily on the schools and the government to take some of the burdens away. 

But a lot of today’s parents are depending too much on others to raise their ward. 

I can’t seem to understand how some parents can bare to ship their babies off to boarding schools. I understand late teens having to go because of distance of the school that most matches the teens’ personality, but unfortunately the reasons are more… cold than that. 

Mostly, it has more to do with the parents’ convenience than it is in the children’s geniune best interest. The parents are too busy, the children are too rowdy, they are getting in the way, and whatever else you can think of as excuses. 

Then they come for holidays — that is if  their parents allow them to come home for holidays and they are not shipped off somewhere else until schools resume. If they do come home, once the children get on their nerves, the next thing they’re thinking about, is sending them to summer camps.

Now, I think summer/holiday camps are necessary for teens development and social skills. But what bothers me, is that some parents don’t send their wards to holiday camps for the children’s sake. They do it because, it’s easier for them that their children are not around them. 

So you have many people who don’t know their children and children not knowing their parents, at all. 

Children who feel unwanted, tolerated and are wondering where/were they belong because they never had a real family. 

At this point, someone like me begins to wonder why people bother to have children, when they are: unwilling to be part of their lives, unwilling to invest mentally, emotionally and spiritually into the children’s lives?! 

I don’t understand. Don’t we have enough orphans in the world already? Must we have more children who can’t even enjoy the physical presence of their parents? All they get from their parents is money, money and more money…….

To be continued. 

 Stay rapturable. Shalom.πŸ’ŽπŸ’œ


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Christian Musings

Re-Intro, Re-surface.

Hello WonderBeau People!

It’s been a while since I blogged and thank the Lord Jesus for His grace for I still have a few things to write about.

There’s a saying in the Yoruba tribe, South-West Nigeria, that,

“A rich person owns successful businesses” That is the verbatim interpretation.

What the saying means is, it’s someone who has money that can invest and grow any business venture.

All other things are important in business, innovation, dedication, smart-work, perspiration, passion, accountability, skills, etc. But if a business is starved with funds, it’s frustrating, tiring, and it may not yield profits proportionate to the efforts pumped into it.

A lot of people would realize their dreams easily and sooner if they had money to invest into the dream.

But let’s not lose hope. I always muse that one must start with the resources available to one. Start where and were you are.

Start like tomorrow is not guaranteed — which it isn’t. And it’s not only death that can stop the tomorrow of people. There are circumstances beyond control, weather, illness, natural disasters, change of policies, and so on, that could truncate a procastinated dream or task.

When I started this blog, I didn’t have all the tools or funds. But I had the device. More importantly, I had words I yearned to share. So I began, with the believe that I would soon have thousands reading my blog.

It was discouraging at first, but I kept writing — not as much as I would if I had more money and followers — but I couldn’t stay away from writing, so here I am.

I’m thankful to God and I’m grateful for the wonderful people who are presently following me. I’m blessed to have you with me on this writing journey.

Many topics are on my mind, fashion, beauty, health, faith, relationships, love, marriage, parenting, and so on.

What do you want me to write about and why?

Shalom! πŸŒŽπŸ’™

This post is dedicated to God and to the person who replied to my post-share on whatsapp.

By God’s grace, more good things will keep coming into our lives and we will keep going forward towards our divine destiny fulfilment, in Jesus Christ name, Amen!

Christian Musings, Life

Interdependence

There’s an African proverb that says, “A lone 🌲 tree cannot make a forest.”

This talks about a unity of purpose, to make things happen.

It’s often said, that no one is an island. We are not created to stand alone in everything. We’re made to collaborate, to form relationships.

Life is about collaboration. You can buy, only because someone is selling. You have shelter because someone was willing to build. You have a business because someone needs your services and is willing to patronise you. You have a job because someone needs your skills and is willing to hire you. You need others and others need you as well. It is co-dependence and inter-dependence. No one can truly do anything, all by themselves. We’re not just built that way.

Life is meant to be shared, and there’s love in sharing.

Does that mean we should hitch our wagon to just anyone’s?

No, of course not.

But we should not make the mistake of going the high road of not needing anybody. We can choose who to associate with. We simply have to choose wisely. We need to choose people who can help us grow and who we can help grow. That’s how a forest works.

Choosing the wrong company or choosing to remain in wrong company is like, trying to grow under a huge tree. The huge tree might seem like a shield from the harsh realities of life, but in the real sense, its preventing the trees under it from getting adequate nutrition directly from the elements, for proper growth. Neither will they have deep roots, because the roots of the huge tree will not only absorb most of the earth’s nutrients, but it will not give space for any tree under it or it’s immediate environs to take root.

Have you ever seen a tree growing under a huge tree, become as big as that tree? Trees growing under huge trees are limited to living in the shadows of the huge tree.

There’s a time to “get thee out from among them”, so that you can grow to your highest potential. But you still need thr right people to make that happen.

However, don’t let the absence of help or assistance stop you from venturing out on your own. It only takes one step of faith at a time. It is well.

Shalom. 🌎

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/forest/

Christian Musings

The Underlying Structure

“I will not cut my conscience to suit this year’s fashion.” – Unknown

Good day, beautiful people!

I brightened up when I saw the prompt, ‘fabric’. I’m a fashion designer and fabrics are the guilty pleasures of a designer. We love to collect fabrics, because for some of us, each fabric we collect are opportunities we know we might not encounter again. So we seize it, literarily or figuratively. We might not have faintest clue what we want to do with the fabric.

Let me personalise it. I may not have a clue, what type of apparel to make of the fabric, but a most suitable design will come up. Until then, it’s stored as a treasure, a work of arts. I almost cry when, I have to cut some beautiful fabric to fashion a design. It feels like I’m destroying a meticulously done art work.

That was about fabric in it’s first meaning.

A fabric is deliberately woven to bring to live a design, a complex looking colour, a texture or pattern. Sometimes it’s spontaneous, but not always. This also describes us.

There are different fabrics of individuals. Some are beautiful but coarse; soft but plain; light and delicate; dark but functional. Individually, we could be any of these or more — more or less, but no two fabrics are the same, even if they are of the same colour. Different threads of live and experiences weave us as individuals into what we are now, and the weaving begins from God’s mind and His reason for creating an individual, through different stages of life/living, to the last breathe. God could begin weaving us as colourful silk and life throws in a different yarn. That is why it’s important to find out who God originally created us to be, before we begin, believe the yarn life is spinning. Life, situation, circumstances may throw us some yarn; but we need to believe in the original fabric we are made of, so we don’t apply an unsuitable design and pattern on our lives.

We need to identify the yarn, that is alien to our original fabric and pull it out, before it becomes too tightly woven. And if a yarn has become too tightly woven to remove, we study it, harness it’s strength and use it to our advantage.

We must learn to stay true to the main fiber of our being no matter what life tries to weave into us. It’s within our right and choice to pull out what will tarnish the original fabric design of our being.

Most of it comes from the mind. If we don’t allow it in, it won’t be a part of us. That is why the Bible says, “Guard your heart, with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life.”

Never allow into your mind, what you don’t want to become. If it comes, chase it out of your mind. How do we know what should or shouldn’t be allowed in our minds?

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things”   – Philippians 4:8

ShalomπŸ’š

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/fabric/