Oh What a Year!

Hello Everyone!

Permit me to say, it’s been busy for everyone, as our lives as we knew it (yes knew) has been rearranged, reshuffled, upended and any other word you can think of. 

And no. No one asked whether we wanted this change, but here we are!

For some of us, there has been no difference, or at least not much of a difference.

I suppose this is an exam on how flexible we really are as individuals.

How flexible was our schedules, our lifestyle, our minds, among other things?

One thing about flexibility is that, it’s when you need to twist to safe your life or at least assert your freedom, that it becomes obvious how flexible or rusty you are.

A lot of us have pulled a muscle or two, in this pandemic. It was either twist or break! Since breaking isn’t an option, twist it is. And if you are rusty, well…sorry about the muscle pull.

Funny, how some who don’t believe in Jesus Christ are wishing for the second coming.

As a Christian, I seriously doubt this is it, though I advice you prepare yourself by giving your life to Christ, reading the Bible and obeying the promptings of God in your conscience.

Be that as it may, we all need to find what our new normal is. 

Let us as individuals, look at what we do have and work with that to provide the essentials for ourselves.

I think no one can claim they have priority issues; but just in case: It’s food and shelter. I doubt you or I need much of any clothing to stay indoors.

For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind. 2Timothy 1:7

Stay safe, healthy, and at peace.

Shalom!

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Wake Up 2.0

Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.

Courage.

This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear. 

Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.

You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.

But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.

You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.

Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.

Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.

That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:

1. They cater for your need.
2. They are your support systems. 
3. They’re an authority over you.

Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble. 

These people —  who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.

Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them! 

When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.

And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them? 

Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.

They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage. 

In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.

The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”

Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.

Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:

“What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”

“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”

What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”

“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”

Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”

Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated. 

Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears. 

You have to push back at their attitude, not at them!  Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.

Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.

Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you. 

Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.

I read a question once that quite deep: 

If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!

I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.

This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent. 

• GRATEFULNESS

Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!

Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.

I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things! 

I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.

I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.

Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.

Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you. 

Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.

I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.

Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.

Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.

Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”

When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.

Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..

Shalom🌴

Entrepreneurship: Why?

Hello WondeBeau People!

It’s been long since I have been here — and I know I say that all the time or at least most of the time, so please bear with me. 

Starting a business is very trendy, especially in this fast and sometimes jaw-dropping millennium we find ourselves.

If you are not starting a business, you are mostly seen and regarded as a “lazy coward” — which I must say isn’t mostly true

Starting a business is more in vogue than anything the fashion plate has to offer. Infact, owning a business is the fashion plate.  

I think the — permit me to use this word — craze for owning a business stems from the wanting to be independent, or rather the declaration of independence.

After all, if you start a business, it’s a serious and responsible thing you are doing. And people will commend your folks on how well they’ve raised you, for you to venture out on your own. Even if your folks are unsure of what you’re about but they have a pretty good idea why you are about it, they will be forced to half-heartedly acknowledge that you are indeed doing something noteworthy. But…

I must say, that’s probably the most inspiring trend that has come out of this generation. I mean you can’t really blame our parents for being sceptical.

Their child who has always been getting into one scrap or the other, with parents having to clean up after them, wondering what on earth they’ve done to deserve their ordeal. And half wondering if their past — whatever that may have been — is demanding payment from them through their carefree juvenile of a child.

Then all of a sudden, the child who probably is now a teen or young adult becomes serious — way too serious for comfort and the parents are thinking, “Here we go again!”

Here they are, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Next thing is, “I want to start this business…”

And they’re thinking, “What now. Is s/he doing drugs?

Then they find out — in most cases — that their children has indeed found his/her legal genius. There was never a time they thought their children weren’t geniuses. They simply were geniuses in the wrong.

So most of the time startups had to get support from self and maybe later from the government or NGOs that support new business ventures.

It’s trilling to say, I’m an entrepreneur. Or I’m self-employed.

What does it mean? And most importantly what does it take be an entrepreneur?

Sometimes, starting a business is an avenue to vent your spleen, to release your pent up emotions or to release something that had been suppressed. To show those who think you are nobody, that you will be somebody.

I think that’s a fantastic productive way of fighting the demons — as long as you don’t run out of steam. Or you have plans on how to continue when you run out of steam.

There’s something about starting a business that exposes your weaknesses and flaws.

You need to know how to manage yourself before you can effectively and efficiently manage a business.

Earlier I was presented a question on: How do you define self-management as a lady? (even auto correct is wondering ‘what da hey?’)

Apparently this was asked in a job interview (phenomenal).

I didn’t know how to answer that question because I wasn’t familiar with that word. 

I could have responded by saying, ‘the ability to manage yourself’ and that would have been too cheeky of me. So as I usually handled things I didn’t understand, I shelved it.

The first thing that came to mind was organisation. Being able to coordinate yourself in an organised manner in a way that enhances productivity — no matter what you might be going through and irrespective of your stress level.

Now, it would be nice if that describes me, but it doesn’t — at the moment.

I express how I feel, I don’t manage it — though I’m trying to. 

Now I suspect that if you’re been asked that question in an interview, they want to find out if you can keep your personal life personal, without allowing it spill into your work life, thereby affecting how productive you are. Never crack, or fall apart no matter what. 

In other words, self-management involves your health: Taking sick leave or being physically sluggish at work, could probably be defined by the employer as, not being able to manage your health, thereby affecting your work!

If one has family problems and becomes distracted and lethargic at work, that may be defined as: being unable to control your emotions making logic and reason difficult in the work place!

If you just had your baby (congratulations!) and you need ma/paternity leave and/or extra breaks during work to take care of yourself and your babies, then you may be termed as: being unable to separate work from family/personal matters thereby reducing productivity in the work place!

In other words, whatever keeps you from giving your 100% at work is no business of the company.

What they are asking is, can you keep working per demand irrespective of what may or may not be going on in your life?

I may be overthinking things of course, but I can’t help but think this is a trick question meant to qualify, disqualify or trap an unsuspecting applicant. By the time the would-be employee knows what this is or may be about, it would have been too late to have a say in the matter.

I mean, self-management?! Come on.

Which is probably one of the major reasons why people are overcoming their fear of starting businesses and launching into the world of entrepreneurship, head first.

The other option is becoming less and less of an option. Working for someone else is becoming more unconducive by the day. Some are fortunate to work with companies who are humane and truly care for the overall well-being of their staff, but many don’t have that fortune.

The code word for this millennium is freedom. Having your own business, seems to be the only way to gain your financial independence, while maintaining your freedom of what, when and how you compromise…..

Shalom! 

New Year, New Hope

Hello and Happy New Year Wonderful people.

Whatever 2018 was or wasn’t for you, I hope you can move on and try to do things differently in areas that didn’t pan out well.

Despite and inspite of the prophetic outlook, I feel hopeful, more motivated.

Of course, I felt almost the ‘same way’ this time last year. I’m not gonna think about that.

Yes, I am thankful to God for all that came up last year and I was a part of.

I’m thankful for all God has done for me. I’m thankful for the miracle of life.

I was hoping for something…. more….

Like a massive income, investments, a chance to maximise my potential, a change of environment, travel opportunities, education and maybe ‘the man’😉.

I hate it when people say you are the captain of your destiny. Usually, it’s those who ‘have it all’ and they have gotten a teensy bit self-assured about their own abilities, that they assume that if things aren’t working out for you, it’s because you are not doing anything to better yourself.

It’s easy to be hopeful and keep working towards your dreams when you don’t have some people calling you a loser.

Of course they are too posh to call you loser. They will simply talk about their successes and how they did it (some won’t tell you how).

Here you are, wide open emotionally, thinking how you can upgrade your method of trying to succeed. Then they start highlighting your inadequacies, as if you were not aware of them. Then they begin to compare and contrast.

I don’t know about you, but when some people do that to me, I want to climb to highest mountain and give a blood-curdling war cry.

I’m done questioning God about my worth, thank God for that!

I pray that God should forgive me:

For questioning His love every time I’m told I’m unlovable.

For questioning my worth as a human being, anytime someone questions/rues my existence to my face.

For questioning my bright future anytime someone who, didn’t make me treats me like antiquity.

Never will I allow others to make me doubt God because they doubt everything about me.

I don’t know about you, but this 2019 onward, I choose to believe what God whispers in my subconscious :

That I am loved.

I’m worth dying for.

I am precious.

I’m beautifully made

I’m a wonder.

, rather than listen to loud disapproval of others towards me.

Shalom People and remember to be a blessing unto others.🤗

I’m Back?

Hello Amazing people! How have you been holding up and holding the fort of this vast blogging community?

 I have missed been here. And it’s not because I have nothing to say, but because I felt overwhelmed by other things going on in my life, so much so that it demanded my full attention. I ended up feeling too exhausted to come here, much less write anything.

Generally speaking? I can say it’s a woman’s thing. Pardon me, fellow women who can’t relate. I’m happy for you. Truly.

 If something is off in any area of our lives, we try to shoulder everything at the same time — pointlessly so — because we start running on fumes then we burn out and something slips out of our hands. And we hope against hope, that it’s not something breakable that will shatter to smitterings at our tired feet, while we look on with a dazed tired look.

We dare not try to pack up the mess we unwittingly created, otherwise something else might fall from us and crash — again.

At that point, we are too tired to scream, so all we want to do is kick off our shoes, find a place to curl up and have a good cry.

The result of outward things slipping and falling, are reflections of things falling apart on the inside of us. So instead of us to do the sensible deed, of properly handling the issues before they get out of hand, we decide to play ostrich — avoiding a situation by getting overtly involved in other things, until we can no longer get involved in anything.

When I say anything, I mean anything! We don’t want to get out bed. We binge on food, movies or anything else. Personal grooming? What’s dat? It’s gone out of the window. We end up looking and behaving as messy as we feel. Aren’t those signs of depression? Oh well. Crap happens.

I didn’t get that off my rocker — this time. But still, I felt angry and weary. 

I did binge on food and a Zee World TV series. Pretty healthy food though, I think?

The series was Jodha Akbar. Pretty gripping after about the 10th episode. I will tell you more about that later.

Now back to things slipping and shattering to smithereens at tired feet.

It could be a marriage hitting the rocks — God forbid! It could be a relationship gone south. A business or career nose diving or plummeting. A child in trouble or troubled, or both. Family brouhaha. These are fragile precious things that must not slip, but unfortunately sometimes they do.

In mine case, I slipped from the gathering of the brethren, blogging, personal spiritual exercises. For months. I think it’s because they reminded me — painfully so — what I don’t have, yet, that I believe I should have had eons ago. 

I felt, ‘Who was I fooling? My enemies lives suck (not mine, thank you!)’ 

It‘s a feeling I fall into from time to time, until God picks me up and keeps me moving.

I don’t feel 100% optimistic yet, but by God’s grace I’m getting more stable by the day.

I just pray that everything falls into the rightful place in my life, soon. 

More specifically, I pray that ‘the lines fall unto me in pleasant places‘, according to Psalms 16, so that I will be ‘comforted on every side’ according to Psalm 71. 

It is well🌴Shalom🌿