Weekend Writing Prompt #259- Spotlight
Ponder in thoughts
Observe and learn
Let Light shine
Take thoughtful actions.
Musings of a Sanguine Christian Woman
This site is about sharing my thoughts, views, and discoveries, as a Christian woman.
Weekend Writing Prompt #259- Spotlight
Ponder in thoughts
Observe and learn
Let Light shine
Take thoughtful actions.
Little by little, I had to recoverFrom misshapen realities that hit me like feverish fiascos
Little by little, I am building up what was lostLike the egg nest, I strived to have
Little by little, I will recoverThe heart of who I am
Little by little, turbulent tranquillity is giving wayTo tranquillity…beyond bliss
For nearly burying yesterdays
Of the heart of who I am
— the candy cabinet of splashes of indigo and magenta in twilight beyond bliss….
May the faceless faces
Of misshapen realities and stormy nights
Both impressive and ludicrous
Be lost in lava swirls and twin flames forever
Hello, Wonderfully Made Folks! I know it’s hard on a lot of us, as we are required to stay home and dress like a surgeon, anytime we have a (very important) NEED to go out. But I believe like one heroine says, “this too shall pass”.
Thirty minutes prior to typing this post, I was watching on Instagram, Monique, an Oscar Award winner, boxing in the gym. And she was encouraging us to fight for our health and well-being.
Then I watched a commentary, about a Black soul singer whose name is being snatched from her, by a singing group who happen to be mostly white. I said mostly because they look white to me.
The name they are both dragging is Lady A. What I learnt from this though, is this:
Focusing on growth is good, but you need to PROTECT your brand like it’s worth one trillion. Copyright ©️ and safeguard your works, ideas, name… everything, so if anyone wants to blindside or rob you, they would have to pay dearly for the attempt.
Now I’m race-right/light/good, fighting against race-wrong/evil/dark. My racial ideology consists of more than colour, culture, or location.
But I am aware that racism and racial superiority complex exist and many black people are at the receiving end of having their ideas, works, brand and names stolen from them; and the system seems biased in favour of the thieves.
Then the coup de grace happened, while I was watching a commentary of Kanye & Kim’s current situation. And that just drove me here to speak my mind.
Already, I have been seeing and hearing their names being mentioned with tension, with some folks being too gleeful about it.
Now, when glee is laced with the mention of this couple, you know it is not a jolly time for the couple. I’m not a fan of either, because I can’t relate to their lifestyle, but that doesn’t warrant wishing them ill will, now does it?
Well, according to the commentator (who was sounding too sunny by the way, but I would like to think that’s his natural manner of speaking), Kanye had tweeted that his wife, Kim, is a white supremacist! That among other accusations. (What! On twitter — in public– for goodness sake!)
You know. This is why I tried to encourage us in the first paragraph of this post. Because this stay-at-home pandemic seems to be shaking “things” out of people.
Maybe it’s having to stay indoors all day every day with people you hardly spend time with, that is pushing people to the limit of their endurance. Dr D.K. Olukoya once said, that when people are shaken like a bottle, it’s what is in them that will come out. If nothing is in them, nothing will come out!
The world is going through shaking, and a lot is coming out.
Back to the couple.
So Kim’s reply was that she is considering divorce. Well, my humble opinion is that Kim should consider fighting on Kanye’s turf.
When I say fight here’s what I mean:
Kanye: My wife is a white supremacist etc…
Kim: Hey husband!😲 Take that back! That isn’t funny😐
See? That’s fighting. Since he’s decided to publicly accuse her, then she should publicly reply him. Like they are having a private argument/conversation gone public. Politeness is required and easy to do, because typing your thoughts and response, is slower than a verbal response. Written words can be edited for better understanding and communication, but no spoken words.
Running away and not addressing what he has tweeted, puts a stamp of credibility to his accusations.
I understand that it hurts because a husband is supposed to be his wife’s cover, confidant, mentor, friend, and supportive critique (not public!) among other things.
However, I don’t know what has been brewing behind closed doors. But whatever the case may or may not be, don’t/shouldn’t they have a marriage counsellor in their corner, they can talk to anytime talking to each other, is not working?
I had to give you a preview of what I had fed on before reaching this couple’s issue. Because I think that is what inspired the theme fight, in this post.
It was Nelson Mandela who said, “Speak to a man in a language he understands, and it goes to his head. Speak to a man in his own language, and it goes to his heart.”
Obviously, speaking to Kanye’s head might be out of the question for Kim. But I think she ought to fight, by speaking to his heart in his own language.
At this moment, he’s speaking twitter. Good. Then have a conversation with and engage him on twitter.
I heard she’s a lawyer now. It’s time to use those skills to defend herself in the court of public opinion and bring her husband to heel.
I guess it’s for the best, she have a “Red Table Talk” kind of conversation, with her husband on twitter.
She needs to politely ask him to prove his accusations and if he can’t or his accusations are found to be untrue, she must firmly and respectfully demand he gives her a public twitter apology — since that’s where it became public.
Fight Kim, but don’t run away by getting a divorce.
Stay safe and healthy!
https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/2020/07/01/july-writing-prompts-2/ #10 Regretful Happenings
Permit me to say, it’s been busy for everyone, as our lives as we knew it (yes knew) has been rearranged, reshuffled, upended and any other word you can think of.
And no. No one asked whether we wanted this change, but here we are!
For some of us, there has been no difference, or at least not much of a difference.
I suppose this is an exam on how flexible we really are as individuals.
How flexible was our schedules, our lifestyle, our minds, among other things?
One thing about flexibility is that, it’s when you need to twist to safe your life or at least assert your freedom, that it becomes obvious how flexible or rusty you are.
A lot of us have pulled a muscle or two, in this pandemic. It was either twist or break! Since breaking isn’t an option, twist it is. And if you are rusty, well…sorry about the muscle pull.
Funny, how some who don’t believe in Jesus Christ are wishing for the second coming.
As a Christian, I seriously doubt this is it, though I advice you prepare yourself by giving your life to Christ, reading the Bible and obeying the promptings of God in your conscience.
Be that as it may, we all need to find what our new normal is.
Let us as individuals, look at what we do have and work with that to provide the essentials for ourselves.
I think no one can claim they have priority issues; but just in case: It’s food and shelter. I doubt you or I need much of any clothing to stay indoors.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind. 2Timothy 1:7
Stay safe, healthy, and at peace.
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Know God, Know Love. https://anchor.fm/ade-ade78/episodes/Know-God–Know-Love-eadh69
Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.
This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear.
Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.
You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.
But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.
You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.
Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.
Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.
That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:
Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble.
These people — who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.
Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them!
When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.
And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them?
Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.
They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage.
In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.
The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”
Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.
Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:
“What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”
“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”
What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”
“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”
Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”
Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated.
Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears.
You have to push back at their attitude, not at them! Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.
Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.
Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you.
Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.
I read a question once that quite deep:
If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!
I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.
This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent.
Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!
Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.
I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things!
I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.
I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.
Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.
Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you.
Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.
I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.
Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.
Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.
Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”
When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.
Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..
Hello WondeBeau People!
It’s been long since I have been here — and I know I say that all the time or at least most of the time, so please bear with me.
Starting a business is very trendy, especially in this fast and sometimes jaw-dropping millennium we find ourselves.
If you are not starting a business, you are mostly seen and regarded as a “lazy coward” — which I must say isn’t mostly true
Starting a business is more in vogue than anything the fashion plate has to offer. Infact, owning a business is the fashion plate.
I think the — permit me to use this word — craze for owning a business stems from the wanting to be independent, or rather the declaration of independence.
After all, if you start a business, it’s a serious and responsible thing you are doing. And people will commend your folks on how well they’ve raised you, for you to venture out on your own. Even if your folks are unsure of what you’re about but they have a pretty good idea why you are about it, they will be forced to half-heartedly acknowledge that you are indeed doing something noteworthy. But…
I must say, that’s probably the most inspiring trend that has come out of this generation. I mean you can’t really blame our parents for being sceptical.
Their child who has always been getting into one scrap or the other, with parents having to clean up after them, wondering what on earth they’ve done to deserve their ordeal. And half wondering if their past — whatever that may have been — is demanding payment from them through their carefree juvenile of a child.
Then all of a sudden, the child who probably is now a teen or young adult becomes serious — way too serious for comfort and the parents are thinking, “Here we go again!”
Here they are, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Next thing is, “I want to start this business…”
And they’re thinking, “What now. Is s/he doing drugs?
Then they find out — in most cases — that their children has indeed found his/her legal genius. There was never a time they thought their children weren’t geniuses. They simply were geniuses in the wrong.
So most of the time startups had to get support from self and maybe later from the government or NGOs that support new business ventures.
It’s trilling to say, I’m an entrepreneur. Or I’m self-employed.
What does it mean? And most importantly what does it take be an entrepreneur?
Sometimes, starting a business is an avenue to vent your spleen, to release your pent up emotions or to release something that had been suppressed. To show those who think you are nobody, that you will be somebody.
I think that’s a fantastic productive way of fighting the demons — as long as you don’t run out of steam. Or you have plans on how to continue when you run out of steam.
There’s something about starting a business that exposes your weaknesses and flaws.
You need to know how to manage yourself before you can effectively and efficiently manage a business.
Earlier I was presented a question on: How do you define self-management as a lady? (even auto correct is wondering ‘what da hey?’)
Apparently this was asked in a job interview (phenomenal).
I didn’t know how to answer that question because I wasn’t familiar with that word.
I could have responded by saying, ‘the ability to manage yourself’ and that would have been too cheeky of me. So as I usually handled things I didn’t understand, I shelved it.
The first thing that came to mind was organisation. Being able to coordinate yourself in an organised manner in a way that enhances productivity — no matter what you might be going through and irrespective of your stress level.
Now, it would be nice if that describes me, but it doesn’t — at the moment.
I express how I feel, I don’t manage it — though I’m trying to.
Now I suspect that if you’re been asked that question in an interview, they want to find out if you can keep your personal life personal, without allowing it spill into your work life, thereby affecting how productive you are. Never crack, or fall apart no matter what.
In other words, self-management involves your health: Taking sick leave or being physically sluggish at work, could probably be defined by the employer as, not being able to manage your health, thereby affecting your work!
If one has family problems and becomes distracted and lethargic at work, that may be defined as: being unable to control your emotions making logic and reason difficult in the work place!
If you just had your baby (congratulations!) and you need ma/paternity leave and/or extra breaks during work to take care of yourself and your babies, then you may be termed as: being unable to separate work from family/personal matters thereby reducing productivity in the work place!
In other words, whatever keeps you from giving your 100% at work is no business of the company.
What they are asking is, can you keep working per demand irrespective of what may or may not be going on in your life?
I may be overthinking things of course, but I can’t help but think this is a trick question meant to qualify, disqualify or trap an unsuspecting applicant. By the time the would-be employee knows what this is or may be about, it would have been too late to have a say in the matter.
I mean, self-management?! Come on.
Which is probably one of the major reasons why people are overcoming their fear of starting businesses and launching into the world of entrepreneurship, head first.
The other option is becoming less and less of an option. Working for someone else is becoming more unconducive by the day. Some are fortunate to work with companies who are humane and truly care for the overall well-being of their staff, but many don’t have that fortune.
The code word for this millennium is freedom. Having your own business, seems to be the only way to gain your financial independence, while maintaining your freedom of what, when and how you compromise…..
He-llo-o Beautiful People of this Global Village!
Wherever you are from your part of the world, I want to encourage you to;
make every minute of your day count, like a minute will cost you a quarter of your country’s annual budget.
From that perspective I believe you know what to do.
On a spiritual note:
Listening to the Holy Bible, while we do our work outs and chores, helps some of us who have a hard time sitting still long enough to spend quality time reading the scriptures.
Drink warm or room temperature water. Swallowing chilled anything congeals the blood.
As a woman, if you are have an athletic build or you have broad shoulders, wear plain and deep coloured tops, with vertical necklines. Then wear bright coloured prints/patterns/florals as your skirt.
Touch your face only when you want to clean your face or apply skin care. This is mostly for those of us who have break-outs.
I have been posting about millenial parenting recently, and apparently it’s a topic that might span several posts based on the fact that there are different angles to this issue.
Parenting is serious business that has to be handled with firm but gentle hands.
It can be confusing and mind boggling, because you need to have the right balance and flexibility. It’s like doing both extremes at the same time. For example, you can’t be either disciplined or gentle. You need to be both. One can’t be without the other. And to top that, you need to be too much of both, at the same time.
It’s a message to your children, that you love them too much to let them be undisciplined. It’s like sweetening a bitter medicine they need to swallow so they can live. So they are more likely to take the medicine because it has been sweetened, rather than you having to resort to force feeding.
Based on this illustration, discipline is needed to live to ones full potential, therefore it’s compulsory to be disciplined. The more disciplined one is, the better chances a person has to be more successful in life.
It’s easier to live a disciplined life, when a person has been taught that from childhood. It becomes a habit and it stays a habit when the results are outstanding.
However, the training to be disciplined is very rigorous that more often than not, it breaks the soul or hardens the heart of the trainee. They become distant emotionally. Because discipline demands you ignore your feelings and just get the job done. If that is done often enough, the trainee gets used to not feeling at all.
In fact, they get to a point were they decide that being emotional is a sign of indiscipline. Lord help whoever marries them in that state. Their spouses who are emotionally active will have a hard time understanding why, someone can be so unfeeling and seem cold. Now, there won’t be a problem if two emotionally distant people marry each other. But, those are rare cases. Who knows? Maybe it’s their soul crying out for a release that attracted them to someone who is highly emotional — without them being aware of what’s going on.
And if their emotions are not awakened before their children come, the children might wonder why one parent is all hugs and kisses, while the other is distant and unfeeling. And then another negative pattern is forming, because the children will take it personal. They would try to get the attention and please the unresponsive parent who doesn’t seem to love them. And most times they fail and they may turn to rebellion, to the heart break of the loving parent and the silent disappointment of the distant parent.
Hence, the call for intense discipline sweetened with lots of love. Love makes the difference on how they decide to apply that discipline. Love is life.
The Bible says that, if we do all good works, but have no love, then we’ve done nothing. Love coupled with discipline makes great positive impact. Discipline without love makes life a mere routine of dull existence. Love without discipline is life without proper focus. Love helps us identify purpose, but discipline helps us see it through — reach our goal.
As parents and aspiring parents, we need to understand that parenting is leadership. You lead your children to where/were they need to be. And what that means is, you are as a matter of fact, going to were/where you are leading. In other words, you are being followed, closely by your children, in all you do.
Now if that scares you, then you need to change your ways.
Reminds me of a resolution I made recently, concerning who I marry.
I can understand the good-girl-loving–bad-boy syndrome among staunch Christian women. I mean I’m going through that phase at the moment. I find myself in my past-mid-20s having a crush — a crush for goodness sakes! — for a guy (and I used the word guy intentionally, for obvious reasons) who is at the other extreme of what I want, not to mention need, in a husband.
So yeah, I understand too well how one can be attracted to ones opposite or the opposite of what one wants.
But do I make a lifetime decision based on a crush? No! Absolutely not. And my head is shaking side to side in emphasis.
Why? Some people may ask, can’t I follow my ‘heart’? Well, the heart can be deceptive and I don’t trust it.
I mean, how can I trust a heart that tells me to do the opposite of what I know is best for me?
If I look at a man or guy and I can’t imagine my unborn son dressing, walking, behaving like him, then he’s not to be considered — at all.
And this is were a lot of women have missed it and unfortunately still missing it.
They choose a guy who’s not interested in man-ing up. A guy who’s not ready to be settled, responsible. A guy who is not willing to be a husband and father. They chose him because he’s cute and he has a sexy voice. Ha!
But of course, the smitten woman will not tell you that, because they know you will drag them to church for deliverance while pleading the blood of Jesus over their befuddled self. All they would say is, “He’s a nice guy and he’s got potential. He just needs someone to help him find his way to the Lord.” Ha!
Well, I know all the cute, sexy, nice and potential alone, cannot give me the husband I need and the father my babies need.
Let’s not forget that when we are shopping for a spouse, we are also shopping for a father/mother for our unborn children.
So we need to watch were/where we go or are going. If your children can’t go somewhere, then you — yes you! — can not go there either. Children always have an inclination to be or do in multiples, what we are doing — even in private. Because children are wired to do or copy what you are doing whether they see you do it, or not.
So if you have planted a seed you don’t want to reap, you had better uproot it. Because whatever is planted comes back hundred fold. If that scares you, then change your ways.
My conclusion for this segment, is if you want loving and disciplined children, then you need to be loving and disciplined. Show them how, with your actions, then allow them to interpret your demonstrations in their own understanding. As long as they are not committing a crime or sin, it fine to be flexible.
I recall reading a post, or a quote by a well-known billionaire. He was reported to have said, he likes giving difficult jobs to lazy people, because they find easy ways to do the job.
Understand that everyone is a unique person on their own. Therefore don’t force your children to do the right thing, your own way only. If you do, you will squash their creativity, their ability to think independently; sort through challenges without external influence and be confident enough to take decisions on their own.
Love and discipline means nothing if you can’t teach children to stand alone with God.
Till next time, stay rapturable.
Hello Wonderful People
From last post, I was writing about parenting of today and how it is deforming the upcoming generation.
It seems easier and more convenient to give money to children in exchange for real commitment and communication.
I understand that today’s world is so fast that it makes it hard to keep track of what happens around us; but if we are willing, we can be partners with our children to build their destinies.
This means you can’t take the high handed, know-it-all approach to parenting.
Parenting takes leadership and leadership is through example of leading yourself, walking the talk and being sincere/honest about your struggles.
My heartfelt thanks goes to those who are pouring the best of themselves into their children, guiding them towards God, helping them to discover and maximize their potentials. You are indeed the true legends of our time, because you are building legacies. Thank you. I pray you reap and enjoy the fruits of your labour, in Jesus Christ name. Amen.
I believe most absentee parents are absent because they are still busy chasing their personal demons — or being chased by their personal demons.
These demons drive their career obsessions — obsession for recognition, money, power, fame. And it’s never enough, at the expense of every other thing or person in their lives.
Such people run scared everytime commitment and communication stares them in the face. This is because they are afraid of what might spill out of them if they open up; since commitment and communication takes opening up — sometimes it takes being honest and vulnerable.
It’s often said, you can’t give what you don’t have. But I think it’s more of, not knowing or willing, than not having. That is, it’s not the absence of love, commitment etc, but the not knowing how to love and commit, or not willing to give what it takes.
After all, we are wired or made for relationships. Therefore we have what it takes to create, nurture and build meaningful relationships.
However, it takes a level of selflessness to have a meaningful relationship.
And since there’s so much talk to focus on self and self only, relationship are now used as means to further the self agenda only. Not caring if the others involved, are heading to hell in a hand basket — unless if there’s more juice to squeeze of them.
At the end of the day, it was all about what to squeeze out of others to further boost self. Therefore, the motto of those who have gotten drunk on self, who worship at the shrine of self is:
What’s in it for me?
Whatever involves personal investment, is of no interest to them.
If that isn’t narcissism, then I don’t know what it is.
Now, does that mean we should not care for ourselves and look out for our best interests?
Of course not.
But the point is: treat others the way you want to be treated, and in the same vein never allow others to treat you like you don’t treat others.
You can go a step further, and treat others the way they desire to be treated.
Okay, so you are like, What? am I to be subject to other people’s desires?
But take for instance, some people don’t mind or don’t care — at least that’s what they say — others making fun of them or discussing their past, or gossiping about them.
Does that give them the permission to gossip and make fun of others?
Well, I say NO!
I recalled watching a show were basically all the host does is mostly to analyze, dissect and talk about others, especially in scandalous circumstances.
Don’t ask me, why I watch the show.
I have asked myself the same question, and I don’t have a coherent answer. Yet.
I don’t want to think I’m probably as guilty as the host, for watching how people are nearly torn apart. But in my defence, I don’t watch it all the time. And the times I do watch, is when I’m trying to make sense of a crazy situation going on.
So, this particular episode was about a man who mentioned an ex during an interview. Apparently, the husband of his ex was not happy about that, so the husband came out and saying he didn’t want the man and some others talking about his wife.
Now, one would expect the man to simply out of respect, take note and not talk about the ex — who happens to be a married woman now — again.
Well no. He too ‘clapped back’ saying no one should tell him what to do or say. If he was asked a question he would answer, regardless of who was involved.
Was that really necessary? Where did mutual respect and consideration for others go to?
What was worse, was that a woman was in support of a woman’s past being talked about like that. That’s definitely a topic for another day.
You might wonder what all these show talk has to do with parenting.
Well, the people involved are parents!!
If the man didn’t care about his ex, could he be considerate towards her children? By not giving school bullies ammunition to torture these children in school or social gatherings?
And we all know how children can be mean to one another.
I don’t know why some people don’t think, before talking. Especially, when they are supposed to be adults — who also happen to have children.
What are they teaching their children?
That it’s okay to say what you want, how and when you want without any thought for who might be hurt?
On a side note: These are things I think feminists should speak against — considering it involves a woman.
Till next time, stay rapturable.
Hello WonderBeau People!
In my last post, I asked what topic you would like me to post about.
After a whatsapp chat with a reader, the reader asked that I write a piece on absentee parents.
A large part of the chat was about how unrestrained children are these days and the role the parents of today are playing or not playing as the case may be.
Real parenting seems to have deteriorated over time.
I will tell you what I mean.
While I was growing up, children my age were popularly referred to as children of now-a-days.
That reference was of a derogatory nature, followed with a huge world-weary sigh of long-suffering tolerance.
And if, our elders were not too tired of our shenanigans, they would launch into comparisons between their time and these days.
They would go back memory lane of how they dared not think, much less do, what we children did way too easily for — or should I say against — the comfort of their strict upbringing.
If someone had told me, I would find myself saying the same thing our parents and their parents were saying about my age group, as adolescents, I would have argued the point. But here am I thinking “children and teens of these days”. But I digress.
In our grandparents’ days, theirs was mostly communal parenting.
They often recalled how they couldn’t get away with anything even if they tried — and try they did. But they always got caught, sooner than later, because there were eyes everywhere. And someone was bound to report a misdemeanor to the family of the miscreant.
“Isn’t that the grandchild of so and so?” An observing elder would muse to the neighbour.
Elder 2 will squint their eagle eyes and say, “Sure is.”
Before, the cocky lad or lass gets home, an itinerary of their escapades has been given to the family.
With a few clever questions, the truth or the lies have been discovered to chagrin of the youngster. Disciplinary actions are swiftly taken, of course.
Apparently, in a system like that, you were forced to behave and act accordingly. Otherwise, there will be immediate consequences.
People assisted one another back then. Communities came together to help individuals and nuclear families to stand on their feet. There was more of inter-dependence than independence. Those were the days when trade by batter was how they lived and the means of exchange.
Having money was not a strong desire, but belonging to a community.
Belonging to a community, was how you grew, how you have security, how you survived — like a herd.
You were protected because everyone was looking out for you and others. People had and covered one another’s backs, because all they had was one another.
Since farming and animal husbandry were the major occupations, they had barn raisings. Were a community would come and assist in building a house and barn for a family. They made a community party.
It would seem that animals know how to live better than us these days, because we don’t move in herds…sorry…community anymore.
It’s all about me, myself, and I country. Commitment issues are flying around all over the place and no wonder. We never really learned the essence of being committed to were one has chosen to belong.
Even basic friendship sucks these days. You hear people say, you can be out of touch with someone for years and if you reconnect like you never parted ways then *that* was friendship.
Can you believe such hogwash? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first read it on social media — yep — social media, of all places. I felt sick to my stomach after reading that. I just couldn’t digest it. It was that bad. Horrible, in fact.
My first thought was, who took it upon themselves to check up on the other all those years the “friends” were incommunicado?
How can you even call someone your friend when you have no idea what they’re doing or how they are doing?
Like I said, the evolution of friendship in today’s world is sickening. Is it any coincidence that suicide rate is high? And people who were supposed to be their “friends” cannot account for why they committed suicide? How awful is that?
They say suicide rate is high these days, because there was a time when it was so low, it was a rarity. And why not? The community knew who was who, because in most cases they cared. They check up on their neighbours. You couldn’t be lonely even if you tried, because your community won’t allow you. That was real community service — not the one related to jail sentence. And if, if someone does take their life, people will be able to tell why. And then, it’s mostly because the victim refuses to accept or ask for help — not because there was no one available or willing to help!
Interesting how community and communication has so much in common just by looking at them. There’s a certain kind of intimacy that accompanies real community and communication.
Now we have neither communication nor community. We have deliberately lost them. What is worse, is that we don’t seem to care.
From what I have observed, it’s tough on two parents trying to raise one child. I can’t imagine how it’s like for single parents.
Which is why a lot of parents depend heavily on the schools and the government to take some of the burdens away.
But a lot of today’s parents are depending too much on others to raise their ward.
I can’t seem to understand how some parents can bare to ship their babies off to boarding schools. I understand late teens having to go because of distance of the school that most matches the teens’ personality, but unfortunately the reasons are more… cold than that.
Mostly, it has more to do with the parents’ convenience than it is in the children’s geniune best interest. The parents are too busy, the children are too rowdy, they are getting in the way, and whatever else you can think of as excuses.
Then they come for holidays — that is if their parents allow them to come home for holidays and they are not shipped off somewhere else until schools resume. If they do come home, once the children get on their nerves, the next thing they’re thinking about, is sending them to summer camps.
Now, I think summer/holiday camps are necessary for teens development and social skills. But what bothers me, is that some parents don’t send their wards to holiday camps for the children’s sake. They do it because, it’s easier for them that their children are not around them.
So you have many people who don’t know their children and children not knowing their parents, at all.
Children who feel unwanted, tolerated and are wondering where/were they belong because they never had a real family.
At this point, someone like me begins to wonder why people bother to have children, when they are: unwilling to be part of their lives, unwilling to invest mentally, emotionally and spiritually into the children’s lives?!
I don’t understand. Don’t we have enough orphans in the world already? Must we have more children who can’t even enjoy the physical presence of their parents? All they get from their parents is money, money and more money…….
To be continued.
Stay rapturable. Shalom.💎💜