Ponder in thoughts
Observe and learn
Let Light shine
Take thoughtful actions.
Hello Beautiful People! I hope you are keeping safe and sound.
21st June was Father’s Day.
A bittersweet day for a girl who has lost her first earthly hero. As it’s rightly said, a girl’s hero is her father.
However, like Elisha having to watch Prophet Elijah his mentor, a man he called My Father, “charioted” up to Heaven; all I am left with, is the Mantle that flutters down as I begin to feel my father’s absence. That, and all the memories.
The memories of tough discipline, gentle instructions, his listening patient ears, as I nearly chatter his ears off… By the way? If my father didn’t loose his handsome ears for all my yakking, then no one can loose theirs for listening to others. Just said, I should put that out there.
I learnt the art of listening (eventually) because my father listened to me.
Because of that, I tried to do as he instructed, because I didn’t want to displease the only one after God who understood me.
It was a journey for him, because as a child I remember him, saying he didn’t understand me, usually, after I have been caught in an indiscretion. He would scold me. Then he gets real quiet, as if he was trying to solve the great mystery behind my behaviour. And then, like he was speaking to himself, he would say, “I can’t just understand…”
And I would feel sad and then resolve to not worry my daddy again. Which unfortunately, never happened.
Eventually, he began to understand me, and he began to teach me on what to do.
My dad is an angel.
I adore my daddy and I miss him. I suspect I always will.
Now, his Mantel has rested right on the floor in front of me.
I just need to pick up my courage and the Mantle to cross the Jordan river….
Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.
This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear.
Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.
You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.
But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.
You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.
Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.
Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.
That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:
- They cater for your need.
- They are your support systems.
- They’re an authority over you.
Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble.
These people — who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.
Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them!
When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.
And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them?
Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.
They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage.
In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.
The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”
Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.
Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:
“What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”
“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”
What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”
“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”
Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”
Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated.
Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears.
You have to push back at their attitude, not at them! Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.
Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.
Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you.
Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.
I read a question once that quite deep:
If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!
I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.
This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent.
Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!
Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.
I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things!
I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.
I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.
Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.
Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you.
Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.
I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.
Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.
Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.
Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”
When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.
Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..
In one of my previous posts, I talked about getting older and age being, not just a number.
Since belated is used with birthdays, I decided to talk about birthdays — that was until I checked the definition and I was embarrassed at how I have abused that word.
It means “delayed”.
So all the times I thought I was doing something extra by adding belated to birthday 🎊 messages, I have in essence being saying “Happy delayed birthday” ?!😳🙄
I know I’m a character. But this? I don’t know what to think. (Lord, let it not be aging. Amen. )
In my defence though, belated sounds cute. Like an extra, double whammy happy, to a birthday.
Speaking of birthdays. Having birthdays was fun, when we were adolescents and early teens.
We couldn’t wait to be grownups. Now we are, and some of us wish we weren’t. Because there are lots of things that are still belated, in goals and achievements.
Some of us could do without the reminder of one more year gone by, without something befitting our age, to boast of.
I felt bad when someone asked me when, I was going to have a birthday party. I felt bad but I tried to laugh it off. I spoke a word of faith concerning the matter. And I’m believing God for a miracle.
What are your delays and what are you doing about them?
One of mine is using this blog as my voice, since I don’t seem to have many people seeking my opinion. I wish I had began earlier.
So many things that could have been done earlier, but haven’t began.
But with God nothing shall be impossible.
I believe that word.
I find that word scary, actually. I mean, I understand it’s importance in life and development. But I will like to say, mentoring is not for everyone. Especially, if you are not confident enough to know your mind and do what you believe is right, when everyone — including your mentor — sees what you plan on doing as mission impossible.
I’m very touchy about someone telling me what I must do. I find the ‘must do’ vibe, a bit controlling and maybe manipulative.
Feel free to correct me, if you believe I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about.
I think a mentor should be like a psychologist. Listening, giving gentle prompts until you find the answer yourself. A guide, a friend.
Mentor sounds to me like lecturer, as opposed to compassionate teacher, who helps you understand and apply what you understand.
Interestingly, the dictionary meaning of mentor are: guide, advisor, teacher, counsellor. So why am I opposed to it?
Well, I think it’s probably because I haven’t met the right person or I’m not disciplined enough to handle the position of a mentee. I have had few admirable big-sister kind of women come into my life, but I end up pushing them away or avoiding them.
For one, they end up giving me assignments. Very good thing. But I don’t like assignments, because of the time limit attached to it. So I end up running away. I can’t help but feel bad about all the other reasons I don’t have a mentor or an active mentor. I prefer to use the word friend than mentor. The tone and vibe I get from the word mentor sounds like sitting in a stifling classroom, getting stiff instructions and ultimatums to either shape up or be punished.
What a mentor really means is part of my definition of friendship.
So I think I will settle with friendship.
With a wry smile on my face, it just occurred to me that maybe the reason, why I have had a hard time finding and keeping friends, is because I was seeking mentorship in friendship.
I’m beginning to understand why having a friend seemed like a tall order. But in my defence, I was mentoring those I thought were my friends; even if I didn’t know, that was what I was doing. I thought I was advising them. They probably ran away from me, because of my advice.
But is there something wrong with guiding, advising, counselling someone you care for and expecting the same in return?
Am I confused or expecting too much?
Hello Everyone!💚 If you haven’t guessed, this topic is inspired by the animation movie ‘Mulan’.
I can relate with Mulan’s story, as I’m sure a lot of us might. The expectations from loved ones that you must fit a particular mold, created by traditional and cultural preconceptions.
- That you are not normal if you don’t fit into this archaic mold.
- That you are a rebel with no respect for your elders. After all, doing as you are told, without questions or protest is a mark of ‘respect for elders’.
- That a young person who is apparently made with and for a difference, is bound to be a failure, which unfortunately could be true. Not because a person is different, but because the environment stifles and doesn’t accomodate anyone who is different. In this case, it doesn’t hurt to find another environment to thrive and succeed.
I remember the first career I decided I would pursue as a child: Newscasting. Well, my parent discouraged me and gave me reasons why I won’t suit for the job or the job won’t suit me, or whatever. Then I wanted to be a super model, that too was too ‘showie’, among other things.
I may not still desire to be a newscaster, but I want to be a show host, either on TV or on radio. I still want to be a model. Now that I’m a fashion designer, modelling my designs will be just appropriate.
But I look at myself, as the years are going by, one year at a time, (ouch!) and I ask myself, when will my reflection show, who I am inside?!
It puts my enemies (not me!) in a gloomy doom mood. But one has to think about it, because well, I don’t recommend playing ostrich — not even to myself.
But asking how gives one more hope, energy, and push to do something. Asking when is waiting for something to happen, rather than working on something to happen.
So let’s try it: How will my reflection show, who I’m inside?
Sounds better, right?
How sounds like an action word. Like asking, what do I do, to make this happen?
- Know your strengths, your abilities, and exercise them. Many of us are too aware of what we can’t do, that we have become oblivious to what we can do. Identify your strong points, and make them so strong that they turn your weaknesses to strength. Your strength doesn’t have to be popular, but with faith and the right work, they will become a brand worth mentioning. If someone can shop for others as a career, I really don’t see why yours should receive less acclaim.
- Be aware of your weaknesses and inabilities but don’t dwell on them!
- Find the strength in your weakness. The solution in your inability.
- Work with what you have — a hand work or talent in a positive manner — to get what you need. Work from where you are to get to where you are going.
- Encourage yourself and always keep hope alive. Believe in God and what He has invested in you from beginning of creation.
- Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life. Never allow any negative thought or words settle in your mind. If it’s negative, replace it with positive, no matter who said it to you.
- Learn to seek and depend on God, and His wisdom. Because only God knows the end of a thing even before it begins.
- Never despise humble beginnings.
- Be persistent and diligent.
- Believe that all things are possible to them that believe.
With these points I believe our God given reflection will begin to show.