The King watched with unveiled passion, the enchanting vista of his queen Indira, belly dancing for him to the music she made from shaking her bangles, anklets, hip belt…
What do you do when you find yourself alone? It’s no fun and I can tell you that for free (you can thank me later– or not *smiles*).
It’s not a big deal to be alone. It’s when you notice it, that it becomes an issue.
It’s worse when you find yourself alone. Because then it’s sudden. It’s like one moment, you had company, next thing you know, you have no company. One moment you relished being alone, the next you wished you had company. And that wish lingers longer stirring in you a yearning you never thought you would feel since you gained your independence or whatever was your be-it-all.
You find yourself, in a “place” were, being alone is fast becoming less appealing.
These could bring about despair and all sort of negative thoughts/feelings of unworthiness: as issues and insecurities you thought long dead, seems to come alive — in the pit of your stomach.
“What is wrong with me?” You may ask. Well, plenty.
I’m sorry! But something is indeed wrong with you, for actually thinking something is wrong with you.
Usually, this awareness happens when we want to share a moment or day with someone and we find that those we have around us, are otherwise occupied, simply absent or not exclusive to us.
Often times it becomes awkward for us, when we are at weddings, family gatherings, friends hang out(or in), and we seem to be the one of the few unattached person in the mix…. No matter how non chalant you want to be, it will still be….awkward, because it’s hard to act indifferent with people who really know you. Before you know it, you find yourself avoiding events and gatherings with people who know you too well.
When loneliness hits the hardest or you are painfully aware you are alone, is when you get home and it’s no longer as warm and welcoming as it used to be. Instead of you feeling at home, you feel like you just walked into an empty shelter, that leaves you feeling emotionally discontent and vulnerably.
At that point, you know it’s your need for companionship that can no longer be ignored.
However, finding a companion takes a lot of thoughtful resolutions and commitments. So while you work out the details to having a companion for keeps, there are few things to do that will help you prepare:
…you have much to give which is why you feel lonely…
- Begin a humanitarian journey. Which of the societal ills or needs are you most passionate about? That’s your niche. Find a reputable Foundation or NGO to assist and work with. There’s always an NGO for whatever you feel needs to change for the better.But if you can’t find one around, start one. However, reputable NGOs welcome enthusiastically, any one willing to volunteer. Trust me.
- Hobbies, New or Old
There’s something very therapeutic when you’re into any form of art or vocation.
Your creative side comes alive and sparks life into areas of your being that promotes wholesome and oneness.
Arts and vocation just has a way of putting you together. You feel found and alive. It encourages you to be purposeful. It promotes emotional stability, because you find that arts helps filter your emotions, sieving through your emotions soothingly as the negative is separated from the positive, as opposed to the jumbled mess you where before emotionally.
It builds the desire to have a more organised and settled lifestyle, both internally and externally.
In the culture I was born into, we are encouraged to learn a trade, a craft, handiwork or vocation — no matter what we desire to have as a career.
The believe was one day you will retire and it’s the trade, craft or vocation you have learnt, that would sustain you when the job is over.
A career is seen as non replicable at a small scale, but a vocation can be practiced with little, or no capital.
Although, some school of thought will argue that, it’s best to pursue a career path you can start on your own, people aren’t really listening.
However the focus here is internal self help. You want to be settled and not feel achingly alone.
Join a reputable club for what you like.
What did you enjoy doing as a child?
Do you still do them, and why?
It’s time to reconnect with your childhood. What were those hobbies that made childhood exciting and memorable? It might be the missing link in your life’s puzzle. Or a reaffirmation of something.
Sometimes, being more vested in physical, material, career and social media even drains our spirit, leaving an emptiness behind.
Our spirit and soul is what feeds the physical. If you spend more time investing in physical things, you may soon end up bankrupt in other areas of your life.
Wholesness is important to living a healthy lifestyle. All round health is key to enjoying and experiencing life to the fullest.
Meditating on God’s word helps you more than thinking about the next big idea.
Spending quality time with God refills, refuels, renews and energises you to be better….
We will talk more on this some other time. Until then, work on being closer to God.