I was musing about so many things and it was about men staying or not staying being made to be women’s responsibility.
Or let me put it this way.
A woman being told or rather taught over the years, that she is responsible for how a man behaves, if he stays or not in a relationship.
This kind of thinking or mindset has made women vulnerable to a lot of terrible decisions, situations and outcomes.
A woman who thinks that keeping ‘her’ man, and a man staying in a relationship, not staying in a marriage or a man not straying, is dependent on how submissive and how well-behaved she is, how she pampers the man how much of herself she gives up. Such women are in danger of getting into a relationship with any man. Afterall, it is alleged that it’s their responsibility, what the man does or doesn’t do, so any man will do.
Then I thought about the movie I had watched recently it’s called “Raisin in the Sun”. A woman went to a store to buy apples. As she checked the apples she found the apples were bad. Then she asked,
“Could you please get me better apples and I know you have better apples in your store apart from the ones you have displayed.”
And the man said something about not making the apples and all of that but he will check. As he was heading into the inner part of the store to get her better apples, another lady comes in and she asks if she could have a basket of apples from your inner store and he readily agrees.
When he came back for the previous customer he gave her what was worse than what she saw on display.
And she was like,
“Am I paying for the worms too?”
Then the attendant replied, “That’s what we have. If you don’t want it you can leave.”
She was like, “You know what? I am not buying them. There’s is a better store.”
I think the word that got me then was there is a better store.
How many times have we women picked the wrong people to be with because we did not think there was any better anywhere?
We thought if we could not find the best of what we wanted from a place — a particular place — then we can’t find good anywhere else.
Now some people would have just swallowed their dignity and bought the bad apples for bragging rights of “I got my apples from an exclusive store“.
But how does that serve you in the end if the apples are terrible, full of worms and then you paid a premium for it; when you didn’t think you could get any better anywhere else?
But this character believed she could get better and she did!
Now it was not in a store but it was like a grocery stand and the fruits there were beautiful, colourful, fresh…..
She could pick from the best. What I got from there is that there are better.
There are other stores. That is what I got from the above described.
How many women have settled because the man was high-priced with every woman’s quote and unquote ideal man? They did not have the courage to think that there was better somewhere else that — there could be better someone else; because really you could not get what you wanted from a high price store.
Let’s bring it back now to what we women do alot.
We shop for clothes, wardrobe generally speaking. So you go to that store to buy clothes. And its in one of the choicest areas at a high price store and address.
Their cheapest clothes, cost you more than 70% of your salary. The clothes are not even your taste, they don’t fit you, they don’t size you. They look so drab. So to your own eyes anyway they are ugly. You can’t believe anyone would actually buy that.
People want that dress, it is some people’s dream dress it’s just not yours. Which is why you should ask yourself why you should buy the dress, but out of pride and because we don’t want to look like we don’t have money especially when the attendants in the store are looking down their noses at you.
They are probably thinking, “Look at the way she is dressed. Does she even think she can afford a dress like this?” They are already looking down on you and you want to prove to them that, “Yes I can afford it!” So against better judgement, against wise internal council, you whip out your credit card or your atm card and you make a purchase of a dress you don’t like; with an exorbitant amount you cannot afford and then of course you feel better when the eyes of the sales attendant lights up and all of a sudden they recognise you, they see you–
And that is how a lot of women pick their husbands high-priced, famous, well known, from a great family background, costing them more than they can afford to give of themselves — cost anybody more than they should be able to give of themselves. Leaving them emotionally bankrupt for the rest of their lives, just so that they can show everyone that they can have a great catch, they can snag a great man, that everybody wants for themselves.
A lot of us where we go to stores to buy clothes When we step into a place that cost more than we can afford, for a dress that is not our taste. The sane thing to do, the sensible thing to do if we were thinking straight is to say to ourselves that, “Well I cannot afford this dress. And even if I can afford it, it’s not my style. Aaaand I don’t like how I’m being treated here.”
So you get out and find a better store. A better store where you will find amazing clothes. The kind of clothes you like, your taste. You feel like you could buy out the whole store and its would not do any major damage to your salary and you go to the store. A store where they are probably having their spring cleaning. You’re like, “I can’t believe this!” while there are amazing clothes that you like. You’re wondering, “For these clothes to be this cheap are they original? Are they new or second hand?”
But even before you can ask that question you can see the brand tag on the cloth for you to know that this clothes are new.
You are like, “O ye store. Where have you been all my life?” You know? And then you get to meet new people the environment, the ambience is just welcoming and soothing. And then you get to meet people who are picking clothes right along with you.
You are able to meet amazing people when you start a conversation and then you agree on a lot of things while you’re picking clothes and you even help others to pick the right clothes for them because they ask you.
You could have missed all that, if you had stayed where you were not really wanted. Where someone thought without them your life was nothing and then you didn’t get enough courage to find better.
You could have missed, someone who is all of so many wonderful things, but treat you like their own life is better because you are in it. And they come with family, they come with friends that take an instant liking to you.
Treat you very well and say, “You know what? If this man does something you don’t like report him to me and I will shape him up! Look you are the best thing that happened to this man and he is much happier, much relaxed with you in his life. We can’t afford to lose you!”
They have more prestige and much more standing in the society, than who you were willing to settle with.
Why have a trophy husband when you can have the best, that the only cost you have to pay is you being you? You don’t have to exert yourself. You are appreciated for the you, that even you hardly appreciates.
If you don’t get anything out of all I have written so far, please get this:
There’s always better. Never settle.
There’s a difference between settling and contentment.
When you choose what you need above what you want, it’s contentment.
When you choose brand over quality, or you choose “popular” over your needs, then you are settling.
Hope for better and seek for the best.
Shalom!
Musings of a Sanguine Christian Woman 