Why Singles are Still “Single”. Part 4

He-lloooo beautiful people. Welcome! It’s another Friday in the 2018! Friday is a pretty hard day for most singles, because weekend is enjoyable when you have a social life and someone to share it with.

You don’t feel lonely throughout the week because there’s your career to keep you busy. However, with the weekend comes mixed feelings. On one hand, you need your rest after a busy week, so you can recharge for a new week. On the other hand, the peace and quite of your home, could leave you lonely, bored and restless — even when you are tired. *signs*

I can empathise. I thank God for Friday, but not for the reason everyone else seems to be TGIF-ing. Because I have less people to interact with during the weekend. So what I do is buy myself ‘comfort’ food. Watch an interesting movie, when I get home. Then try to sleep.

What I tell myself, is that marriage is not the solution to loneliness. Because a spouse cannot be with you 24/7. So we might as well learn how to cope with loneliness. Besides, I can’t make a lifetime decision based on loneliness that only lasts for a few days. 

The solution to loneliness is having a social life. A healthy social life. A life outside your career, even if it’s on social media. Be careful not be exclusive to the opposite gender. If the opposite gender has to be involved, it has to be in a group. Think of something you might enjoy doing, even if you have to take an aptitude test, to know.

 You can build a social life around your hobbies. What do I mean. If you have a sport interest for instance, join a sports club. If you are an avid reader, join a book club in your local library. If there’s something you like to learn, like crafts, cooking, dancing then sign up for classes. If any of this places make you feel uncomfortable, then search for one you can feel at home, let your hair down and be/discover more of yourself. I recommend praying for divine direction before embarking on this type of endeavor. You don’t want to find yourself joining a camouflage for something terrible. If you know what I mean.

You could also be a volunteer for NGOs in your area of interest. You could sign up for mentoring adolescents, teens and young adults. I’m sure by now you can come up with other bright ideas. You are not and shouldn’t be all career and wannabe spouse alone. Just go out there and happen to life. When you happen to life positively, the positive things of life will happen to you. 

My point is this. The reason some of us are still single is because, we have hidden, undiscovered precious gems of talent, that are yet to be mined and used for the service of God and humanity. Some will only meet ‘the one’ while applying their talents in the place of selfless service. Besides selfless service takes your mind off marriage, or whatever else that might be bothering you, because you will be enjoying yourself. Let’s not bury our talents. Take them up, and make good use of them. It is well. Shalom🍇

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Why Singles are Still “Single”. Part 3

Hi Everyone! How’s the mid-week treating you? Mid-week sometimes puts us in a sober reflection, especially if you have yet to accomplish what you wanted done for the week. Procrastination begins to lose steam at this point. It’s like been in August and you remember all you told yourself you were going to do for the year — which you haven’t done.

But don’t be discouraged, just start already! The week isn’t over until it’s over. You’re not alone. Some of us just have to battle through some issues before we get anything done. But the point is when we work at something good, we get it done, so let’s not give up now. We can do all things, through Christ who strengthens us or through Christ who is our strength; depending on what Bible version you are reading.

Okay! That been said, let get into the topic.

Based on my observation, I realized that ours is a very busy and ‘happening’ generation. There’s a lot to do, so much you can accomplish and achieve. We aren’t necessarily the generation of ‘contentment’. We ask ourselves, or rather say to ourselves, “I mean, why should I be content, when it’s within my reach to have more, achieve more?” So we get sucked into the spirit of ambition, and walk/work almost trance-like towards our goal. We fail to see other good, important aspects of life and living along the way; you know, aspects like marriage and family. Unless of course, if we think these will take us faster with ease, to where we are — more often than not — obsessed to get to. Which means a lot of people who are in a relationship or married, are there for the wrong reasons or on wrong, misguided impressions, as the case may be. This of course is no news. A lot of people have, from time memorial been getting married for the wrong reasons. The difference now, is that the wrong reasons differ from generation to generation, depending on the central theme/focus of each generation. And ours is, unfortunately not an exception. You will think by now, we would know it’s better, to learn from history. 

But perhaps that’s the problem. We believe we not only know better than previous generations, but we think we are better. So we find ourselves, repeating their mistakes or getting the same negative outcomes they had.

Marriage is no longer considered an achievement or success. If you are single and successful you are the man or a superwoman, according to the standard of today’s world, anyway. So more often than not, marriage is placed on the back burner. By the time some people deem themselves ready — if ever– to get married, they might not readily find someone on their level and they might grow desperate. Because most singles think of marriage when they are lonely and they need companionship. Once desperation sets in however, that’s the beginning of the end.

Most times, desperation sets in because, some of us have had opportunities to love and truly be loved, but we took those opportunities for granted, thinking true love and companionship can wait, there is a career to pursue. So with the I’m not ready excuse, we leave love behind. After success, the accolades, fame, and you begin to feel lonely; all those opportunities you had walked past,  start coming to mind. Especially if you are unfortunate to run into some of those opportunities you walked away from, having dinner, for intance, with their charming spouse and lovely children. It then dawns on you, that you have indeed goofed. And that might make you feel worse than you’re already feeling. At that point anyone who shows any romantic interest in you, is considered God sent, which is most likely not. Then, you might find yourself being a victim of parasitic people, who pretend interest in you just to get their hands on what you have.

It will then seem that what you spent all your life pursuing and eventually acquiring, is now bait or magnet for shallow people whose main occupation is to pretend they are/have, what you are now desperate to have: love and companionship. It would also seem like your success might be an obstacle to finding an honestly genuine person to spend your life with — which isn’t true, but in your desperation, you wouldn’t see that.

Bottom line, as far as I’m concerned, ambition — which requires a level of narrow mindedness — is a disease. Of course my mum disagrees with me. In her opinion, ambition is not a problem but over ambition. Hmph. I hear her. Have you noticed that it’s only the things with addictive qualities, that moves faster than light from mild to excessive? Well, I have noticed. And ambition is addictive. It’s an enemy of contentment, and people have been known to loose morals, decency or any virtue they had before embarking on the journey of ambition, during the journey.

It’s good to be successful and famous and celebrated. But we have to understand that they can’t keep us happy. Therefore, lets not loose focus of the important things of life. They are: God Who also happens to be True Love, righteousnes, true friendship and true companionship. They should never be taken for granted. God said to seek Him when He may be found. Which means there’s a time for everything. A time that something can be found, and that may not be in accordance with your personal timeline.

So I urge us, to key into the timeline of the opportunities that have lasting fulfilling value, when they are presented to you. And not when you want to have them, or think you should have them. Or when the world and other people think and decide, you should have them. Because by then, those opportunities might no longer be available. Second or multiple chances do not come to all, all the time. It called chance for a reason. Opportunities are sometimes like ideas. If you don’t work on an idea and patent it, someone else will! Opportunities, like ideas, cannot be monopolized, they must be utilized, immediately. Snoozing is loosing.

Till next time, stay blessed and focused on the right opportunities of lasting fulfilling value. Shalom.😇

Why Singles are Still “Single” 2

Hello again! And welcome! How’s been your day? Not too crazy, I hope. So yesterday, I started with a hot controversial topic on why there seems to be a lot of singles, who are yet to find or be found by “the one”. 

 This is one issue that has sub-issues to it. One of them might be peer and environmental factors. If you want an Ivy league kind of person (only few don’t), and your environment has the opposite of those, then you might want to consider changing your environment to Ivy league ville.

Of course, you want to ask yourself, “ If I was ivy league, would I want to marry me? Why?” Now this isn’t to make you feel unworthy, but to make sure you are actually up to the task. Be the kind of person an ivy league or whatever type of person you want will want to marry.

Again, you want to ask yourself why you want a potential spouse to have your requirements, keeping in mind that the more of others you require, the more of yourself you have to give.

Which brings me to the next question, “What do I have to offer?” This is like been self aware or discovering the gift you are. When you humbly recognise your worth, then it gives you more confidence to hold your own and not be intimidated when you someone who seems way out of your league is interested in you!

“Are you REALLY ready for a relationship? And why not?!” Questions you need to answer to yourself. You don’t want to get into a relationship only to discover, you only like the  idea of a relationship or having one, just for appearances sake. You will end up not only wasting the other person’s time, but hurting them as well. And as matured people, we need to master the art of doing to others, only what we want done to us. Karma is not a myth.

With these questions, you ought to be more busy checking your life and evaluating the hows, whys, whats of your believe system and orientation. That way, you can decide whether its time for an external and internal renovation, as well as a reorientation.

Alright. Till next time,  stay rapturable. Shalom!

Why Singles are still “Single”. Series🤔

Hello Beautiful People🌻How’s everyone doing? I hope Monday was not too much shock for you. If it was, don’t worry. You will survive.😊

So this evening, I tuned in to one of my favourite radio show. And the topic — as with any topic that has to do with romance, relationship and marriage, I found it more than interesting — was about how hard it was for a single woman to find a good man.

Well, I found myself a nice chair, put my feet up, and listened to people calling in — it’s a live show. As always the men were always quick to go on the defensive and point fingers back at the women (why do men always do that!).

I called in too and I’m going to try repeating what I said.

It’s like the good women and the not-so-good men are stuck together on an island. On another island there are the good men stuck with the not-so-good women. It will seem like the bridge between both islands is either broken or non-existent. So every which way the good man/woman turns for a romantic relationship they end up getting burnt all the time. Leaving them with the impression that the good ones in the opposite gender have gone extinct!

Not very encouraging, I know. But my solution to this is prayer, enquiry prayers. If you try doing this yourself, good luck with that (you are going to need it.) If people have great marriages based on their level of intelligence and exposure, I don’t think divorce lawyers will have a job, because hardly anyone is not intelligent. Just saying.

Giving the matter to God is prayer brings you much closer to the perfect spouse for you, than when you try doing it yourself.

Did I say perfect? Yes I did! Perfection is relative. That someone is perfect for you or you to someone, doesn’t mean they will be perfect for everyone else. Because, well, yours is not meant for others and vice-versa.

I will stop here for now, to continue later. Have a restful evening and a productive tomorrow. Shalom😊

Musings of a Sanguine Christian Woman.

Hellooo! Beautiful people😊 Hi! How ‘was’ your weekend? Yes, ‘was’. Once it’s Sunday, it’s the beginning of a new week, and if you are not ready or prepared for a new week by Sunday, then you have reasons to feel miserable, or at least worried.

Speaking of Sundays, if you are a Christian, (if you are not, I humbly advice that you become one😊) you do church work on Sunday, even if it’s just to attend service. I have always found the gathering of the body of Christ, spiritually strengthening, but physically exhausting. I feel like I have ran a long distance race. So if I don’t get enough sleep on Saturday, I know I’m probably going to pay for it on Sunday morning.

Missing Sunday service is something I’ve done more times than I care to count, and I have not been happy because of that, because I feel like I missed a party, so I avoid missing church. I need to be among people I can feel at home with and talk about God, His word and how He’s been helping us– individuals. This however means getting late to church because I was snoozing when I should be getting ready; wearing clothes I just laundered on Saturday evening — yes, yes, I know I need to be more organized. By the time church service is over, and I have visited and socialized with Church family, the last thing I want to do is cook. Reason why I never understood the concept of ‘Sunday Dinner’, when all I want to do after church is sleep. Of course, I could be persuaded to watch an exciting movie with ready-to-eat delicious snacks and fizzy drinks. If not, I’m off to sleep. To buttress my point, I’m almost sleeping as I’m writing this, if I could just locate the ‘save as draft’ button, I could continue this when I wake up or later. But I already wrote so much, and I don’t relish having to do it all over again. *Signs* It is well.

So. What do you do on weekends, that affects your upcoming week, either positively or negatively? Are they habits or practices for you?

I would love to read from you. Until then, get rapturable and stay rapturable.🍇

Ade-Oluwa.🌹