Musings of a Sanguine Christian Woman
This site is about sharing my thoughts, views, and discoveries, as a Christian woman.
To be free, my heart beats
My heart yearns
A mirage it seems
But never letting go hope
Keeps beating
Through a heart filled with despair
Disappointment and weariness
Survival hurts
Existence stales
While the heart
Keeps praying for freedom
To live
To find expression
To love
When will I truly be free
Lord, let it be sooner
I can wait no longer
To be free
Hello WonderBeau People! This is to continue from the last post, Wake Up.
This is a different cup of tea from faith. Courage has been said to not be the absence of fear, but moving forward inspite the fear and working through the fear.
Now that you have taken a reflective journey through the change from your past, the next form of action is recovery, not necessarily from the blow of the past, but to recover your dreams and what life took from you.
You may feel too tired to try. You may argue it’s been too long ago, or you are too old, too sick, to ashamed or anything else you might be going through at the moment, to reclaim what your life was.
But inspite all of that, you must try and try hard! Strain your emotional, mental and physical muscles to repossess your dreams, vision, purpose and motivation. Let that be your wake up call: repossession.
You worked too hard to let it all go away just like that! You need to fight back and push back the blur, the fatigue, the procrastination, the fear and the helplessness! Especially the helplessness….! Don’t get me started on that one.
Helplessness is a major energy drainer. It’s like a vacuum cleaner. But instead of sucking into itself the dirt and junk, it sucks in energy, motivation, self-esteem, hope and faith. Push back at the helplessness, that tries to settle every time you try to move and an obstacle comes up.
Now an obstacle isn’t an issue. By now, we are probably used to that. But there are some obstacles that are special in that they are like Goliath. But unlike Goliath though, it’s a loved one who you can’t seem to conquer because you can’t use the usual weapons.
That’s sometimes where the helplessness may stem from mostly. Because these are people you can’t defy because not only do you love them, but they are one or more of the following:
Now when any of the above, are opinionated, bossy and they think you must do as they say, then you are in trouble.
These people — who we must respect, even though they make it sooo hard — feel it’s their right to tell you what to do, and when you don’t, Lord help you, because you know the emotional/scriptural blackmail and mental torture is on the way.
Sometimes, you wonder if they realise the harm they’re doing to you. The painful part of this whole over-protective shackled relationship is that you don’t know how to explain what is happening to others. And when you try to, you either sound like a whiner, ungrateful, or a lazy person blaming others for his/her misfortune. Or worse, on those rare occasions someone believes you, they call your “loved” one, cruel, which makes you feel worse, then you begin making excuses for them or even blame yourself. So most times you lie, yes lie to cover for them!
When someone who believes you is looking in from the outside, they will call what you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling person.
And if you are honest with yourself even if it hurts more, you know they are right! Now instead of shutting them down in defence of your special person, may I humbly suggest you listen to them?
Remember, you have a challenge that’s hurting you more and more, and you don’t have a strategy to overcome. You had better listen to someone who actually believes you! Because they may have been in your shoes before and now they are free or they’ve found a way to manage the situation with significant progress. That, or they’re therapists. Besides, it’s not like you have a long queue of people waiting to help you the way you need to be helped.
They may say things that hurt, but as long as there suggestions are not sinful or criminal, I don’t see why you shouldn’t try it. Remember we are still talking about courage.
In one of the posts on this blessed blog, I talked about how you need to develop courage from the scratch for every situation. Which may explain why you can push back in all other areas eyes blazing, but freeze helplessly in one particular area.
The greatest prayer you can pray is, “Jehovah have mercy on me and help me, in the name of Jesus Christ”
Remember “God is our Refuge and Strength a very present help in trouble, therefore will we not fear though the earth be moved….” Psalms 46. Please read that. You will find it to be of great help and comfort to you.
Mostly, our fear of confronting our over-bearing loved ones are:
“What if I hurt their feelings? After all they have been so good to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful….”
“What if they withdraw their support? What will I do? Where will I go? I have no one else I can turn to and I have nothing! Will I end up in the streets? Will I end up becoming a victim of street horrors on top of all I’m going through? I won’t be able to survive that. But I don’t think I can survive this either….”
What if I offended God with my outburst? How would I redeem myself? God is my only Help I can’t afford to annoy him by offending an authority figure. But I can’t take this anymore… Right. I said that 5years ago, yet here am I. How long is this going to go on….”
“I promised myself and I believe I owe it to them to take care of them. If I leave now, they will be all alone, yet they are unwittingly adding to my misery. Even though they belittle my efforts, I love them too much to leave them all alone without someone trust worthy to replace me….”
Would I ever get out? What a horrible dilemma!”
Whatever the fears are, they’re quite understandable even if they are a bit exaggerated.
Understand though, that you have to speak and walk and work through those fears.
You have to push back at their attitude, not at them! Don’t do it too often, therefore you have to choose what to stamp down your foot for and give a polite but firm,’No!‘ to.
Push back with strategic wisdom. You don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face. Be diplomatically assertive. Yes, there will be times you will be so upset you want to scream — and you probably should, so you don’t loose your mind — but do it in moderation.
Insist on the your basic need for privacy. Don’t let them walk all over you. You might not get a positive response the first time, you don’t allow them to invade your privacy. But they will get the message and eventually back off, because inspite your politeness they can hear your scream of frustration and hurt, even though your voice was low. They won’t want that fraying restraint to let loose, so they will see reason, eventually. Remember to say “thank you” when they do oblige you.
Know that you may not gain your independence in one fell swoop. But be grateful for what little airspace you have. Enjoy that little freedom and make profitable use of it to seek freedom in other areas. More like invest that freedom to afford you more freedom. Don’t waste small freedom on frivolities. Ooooh, I know it tempting. And I have misused the little freedom I have had on a few occasions, but I the end of the day. It isn’t worth it, because freedom is an opportunity, a ticket to do better. Freedom is also an open check.
I read a question once that quite deep:
If a wealthy relative gives you some money for a month and then tells you that whatever is left of that money at the end of that month is what you will be given every month for the rest of your life! What will you do? Think about it!
I know you are loosing patience because, well, you are not getting younger and life seems to be passing by. But impatience can ruin things, so make haste slowly.
This gives you a chance to establish yourself one step at a time. By the time you are reasonable established you will be confident enough to stand on your own in other areas you are still dependent.
Remember to look back to see how far you have come. That way you will know how much you have to be grateful for. Be grateful that things aren’t worse. And they could have been!
Be grateful for where you are. Thank God for what you have. Look around you and thank God for what you have access to — even if it isn’t yours.
I listened to a speaker who said every night he writes 50 things he’s thankful to God for. And he began that practice when he could barely cater for his family. Fifty things!
I doubt anyone will do that and not sleep better at night. Such a practice resets your mind for the best, that enables you to have a clearer mind, which in turn generates ideas for productive growth. It increases faith and renews hope that all will be well.
I remember the first few days I tried it. By the time I got to thankfulness number 50, I had about 10 more points, to be grateful for.
Gratefulness helps you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.
Its an eye-opener to the opportunities that are available to you where you are. The privileges and the advantages you do have will become more visible to you.
Gratefulness leads to discovery. It helps you to be content even as you aspire and work towards making your good dreams come true.
I must say that contentment does not keep you in one spot, but resigned acceptance or accepting defeat does.
Contentment is fulfillment in transition. It’s being at peace with what you have. But I believe what inspires contentment the most, is the knowledge of who you are and Whose you are. The knowing that who you are is independent and therefore isn’t defined by what you are or what you have, is what inspires contentment.
Contentment keeps you grounded in your principles. That is, it stabilises your character and personality. It establishes and makes you deeply rooted in character, good principles and high moral standards.
Therefore, contented people cannot be bought. Infact, they don’t have a price. They don’t change along with their circumstances. No wonder the Bible says, “Contentment with Godliness is of great gain”
When you are contented, you are mostly fearless — especially where material wealth is concerned.
Contentment is peace within in the midst of the storms of life…..
Shalom🌴
“Sherie? Is that you?” Sheryl removed her limited edition sun glasses to be sure she wasn’t seeing things.
Sherie had been her friend and business partner. Until Sherie disappeared with her investment and Sheryl’s fiance.
That was two years ago. And she couldn’t believe she was seeing her again.
“Hello Sheryl. Long time.” Sherie looked around nervously as if seeking for an escape.
Sheryl snorted a laugh, “Yeah. Long time indeed.”
As Sherie made to dash away, Sheryl blocked her with an, “Oh no you don’t Cherie. You owe me an explanation, Mademoiselle. Or is it ‘Madam’ now?”
“Look Sheryl I don’t want trouble —”
“Really? Your actions in times past contradicts that. Where is my money?”
“I don’t have it.”
“What?!”
“You know what? Lawyer up, Sherie. Because you going to hear from me soon”, Sheryl said as she wore her sunglasses again.
Sheryl walked to her husband’s limousine as the suited guard opened the door for her to climb in.
“Hello Beautiful”, her husband said with a loving smile.
His smile helped calm her upset feeling a bit.
“Hello Dear”, She replied with a small smile.
“What’s wrong?” Her husband, Christian asked with concern.
“I stumbled into someone from my past who betrayed my trust”
“I’m sorry, dear”, Christian was sympathetic, as he rubbed her back to calm and comfort her.
“You know, I don’t think I will ever ask her. But what will be her excuse for robbing me?”
“There’s will never be a good enough reason or excuse for betrayal such as that. She did what she did based on who she was. That has little or nothing to do with you, Baby. So don’t take it personal.”
“Thanks Love. I’m not taking it personal. Which is why I’m suing her.”
“Good”
“So what’s for dinner?” Sheryl asked her besotted husband.
“Well, that depends on you, my love. Goodness forbid I order the chefs to prepare something that isn’t your current craving.” He said with a twinkle in his eyes as her cradled her slight baby bump.
“Oh you!”, She said as they both laughed.
I think about life and I wonder, what does it take to wake up? Not just every morning but in dormant areas of our lives?
It takes a need or desire to do something, to wake up each morning. Well, not wake up, but get out of bed.
Now that I think of it, breathing and being conscious is different from waking up — being alive to your responsibility.
Dormant areas that the storms of life, the busyness of life or both have kept…well, dormant.
I can’t not relate ‘dormant‘ with ‘doormat‘. They sound too alike to ignore.
Some things in our lives may be dormant because they have be doormatted. Of course for something to be either or both, they must have thrived once upon a time. They must have been visible and found expression at one point in time.
Then something — a series or sequence of events, happened and what once were, are left forgotten as a dream.
Those events are usually circumstances beyond our control, mostly unforseen and therefore unplanned for….(and no. It is not only pregnancies that are unplanned for, dear typeboard prediction! You can’t imagine the words ‘prediction on’ gives you while ‘helping’ you guess your next word and how wrong they are sometimes!)
It could be sickness for you or a loved one. Someone once said most citizens of her country, are one disease away from poverty. But really, aren’t most people, globally? I mean, who sets out to buy huge health insurance plans? Not that they won’t buy health insurance but, it won’t be enormous like other insurance plans — and that is in a community or clime that values insurance.
Even so, poverty goes beyond lack of material possession or money. Any area one is lacking, one is poor. And if one is poor in one area, it will affect one’s overall performance or productivity.
Some say, one can’t have it all…at once, anyway. But a lack in any area can be a deficit to other areas of life, if that area remains unproductive.
So what does it take to wake up?
Reflect – on what used to get you so excited you couldn’t wait for the next day. Infact you had to force yourself to fall asleep, such was the height of your excitement.
Because your mind was always brimming with ideas to try out or work on. 
Sometimes you worked all night binging on caffeine or any natural method to keep you awake. You were in and out of libraries and the internet doing research. You probably even signed up for a course to understand your project better. Life was beautiful then, wasn’t it? 
Remember what made life beautiful for you that you were willing to burn your candles at both ends. You worked so hard yet you were happy to do it. What was the goal, the hope and the motivation? Let’s remember.
Why does it seem like all the good times are in the past? It must be a painful place to go back to, but if we are stuck in motion or it seems like we have been working too hard…on one spot, then we need to do a conference with ourselves with the following sitting at the table: the past, our dreams, the present, the future, our spirit, soul, body, and Jehovah.
We must revisit what changed, who changed, how did things change, when exactly did the change that changed everything begin and how those changes have affected you.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. We must stop avoiding the truth using excuses — even though there are excuses, in most cases, legitimate — they blur our vision, like some pain killers until the medication wears out and they can be addictive.
We must learn to be honest with ourselves and look closely at where we have allowed things to fall apart in our lives. Like a popular jingle: it begins with you!
What part did we play in the loss we suffered? The opportunities we lost? The uncompleted projects? The health challenges? The ‘vultures’ we allowed into our lives?
Yes, it seems unfair and it is in so many ways that you did all you could to block all the openings that the flood of life could come in to sweep your dreams and joys away, yet here you are….were you are too heartbroken to look at what your life used to be, because the flood did come in from unexpected quarters to sweep away what life meant to you. All you seem to be doing now is surviving , trying not to drown. But you can do better than that! 
Before the next part of this series is posted, please work on this and let me know how you are faring or what you think, in the comment.
🌱Shalom🌴
Musings of a Sanguine Christian Woman 