Hello WonderBeau People. 💎
Communication has been a word thrown around a lot, but rarely understood, much less practiced.
Even I, have a technical understanding of communication, but practicing it, is tougher than expected — you know, one of those easier-said-than-done thingies.
Otherwise, why is it that I’m constantly at logger heads with my mum?
Why does she not understand me? Why do I take everything she says personal?
I had come to a conclusion long ago, that it was best for my mum and I to love each other at a healthy distance.
I came to this conclusion after I had prayed, prayed and prayed, and written prayer requests more times than I care to count; that God should help us have a better, healthier relationship. That prayer has yet to be answered, but I have stopped holding my breath over the matter.
I just decided to accept the relationship as it is, while working on my response and reaction — another easier-said-than-done thingie, because I still get upset and hurt by what my mum does or doesn’t do.
Now lest you think I’m a whiny brat, or my mum is….well….an interesting mother who just seem to enjoy getting on her daughter’s nerves, where the said daughter didn’t think there were nerves; my mum is a generous perfectionist.
Now what that means is, as long as you are who she expects you to be, she will support you to the best of her abilities. But the moment you slip, you lose.
I think the reason we are always butting heads is because, she doesn’t know where to send me to — since she couldn’t possibly send me to hell — so she seems stuck with me and vice versa. That is until I get a life independent of her.
I used to think, if I can’t have a healthy relationship with someone I have known all my life — namely my mother — will I ever have a healthy relationship with someone I have only just started knowing?
But I have overcome the fear that the quality of the relationship I have with my mother, will dictate the tone of other relationships.
Communication involves a lot things.
It takes at least two people for communication to take place.
Each have to listen when the other is speaking: Most people prefer to hear rather than listen. Like my mother would say, listening is a skill that needs constant practice. Listening requires your full concentration, logical and objective thinking.
Each has to listen to understand not listen to respond: Because we tend towards being on the defensive and we don’t want to hear that we might be wrong in any way, we listen to what is being said to pick offence. Listening is for understanding the other person, that we may find a solution to problems and be at peace.
It takes humility and love to have effective communication, because your heart has to genuinely want resolution and the willingness to put the other first.
Communication is an art, a science even.
Someone once said, “Speak to a man in the language he understands and it goes to his head. But when you speak to a man in his own language it goes to his heart.”
Its obvious that your choice of communication method is determined by what part of the person you are trying to reach.
If you want to be understood speak in the language the other person understands and not yours.
It is well. Shalom!