Hello Beautiful People! 🙋 I have not written for days, because I have yet to quit convincing myself that I don’t have anything exciting to write.
On one hand I love to share my thoughts. On the other hand I feel ‘locked up’ mentally/emotionally/psychologically that I feel too tired to express the different things going on in my life — internally and externally.
I decided to put in more effort to write something, even if it is a sentence. As you can see I have written more than one sentence.
This tug of war happens in other areas of my life, were I doubt myself and I end up not doing much, because I didn’t feel what I was able to do was good enough. I have to learn to just begin and then continue what needs to be done, rather than waiting for when all is bright and sunny.
It’s often said that, an artist’s best work is done while they are in the midst of negative situations.
I’m at a point in my life, where I need to be on my own, but at the same time I don’t feel I have the needed resources to declare independence.
In my part of the world, a woman is considered responsible and reliable when she lives with her parents or guardians, until after she gets married and moves to her husband’s house.
Now I have no problem with that arrangement in it’s own self. What I have issues with is the reality of living with cultural/traditional parents. They have a sense of entitlement and ownership over their children that they refuse to acknowledge that these ‘children’ are adults, and as long as they are not committing a sin or a crime, they should be allowed to make their own decisions without insisting that it’s your – the parents — way or the highway.
I feel sorry for myself and others like me, who have never been voluntarily allowed to be themselves. We’ve had to fight for every independent decision we have ever made. And I can emphatically tell you, it’s exhausting.
On one hand you don’t want to move out, fighting your folks on your way out. On the other hand, they keep undermining your ability to be a responsible adult.
So what do you do? I don’t want to think of all the opportunities I missed because my folks said, ‘No‘. Now that I think about it, I could have found another way to do what I want and still get their approval. I guess the negative answer was so discouraging, that inspiration and motivation to fight at getting a favourable response got frozen.
I get upset when some people say its our choice whatever happens to us. I’m thinking how is that possible? You can’t always control what happens to you. Even if you can, you have to predict it first. And if by a miracle you can see what is to come, can you stop it? What if it is inevitable? And if it comes what if it is uncontrollable? Does that make you irresponsible? I think not. And I pity those who think otherwise, because when they personally experience the negative side of life, they take it really hard — harder than those who don’t think they are invincible.
It’s reminds of two soap operas. One was about a man who was not supposed to meet three women. Meeting one will lead to meeting the others. Unfortunately, he found out about that after he had met the first one.
He would be responsible for the death of the first one, the second one will die for him, and the third one will cause his death.
He didn’t kill the first one directly, but he was part of the king’s executioners carrying out the king’s order. But still… And that was when he met a seer who made the prediction. When he asked, ‘How do I avoid the third woman?’
The reply was, ‘Don’t meet the second woman.’
Again he asked, ‘How do I avoid the second woman?’
The reply, ‘Don’t meet the first woman.’
In frustration he yelled, ‘How do I avoid the first woman?!’
The reply was a rhetoric, ‘Haven’t you met her already?’ At that point I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry for him.
When it dawned on him, who the seer was referring to, he yelled , ‘But I didn‘t kill her!‘
The seer: ‘But you were there and didn’t stop it from happening.’
Now if you happen to know what soap opera this is or you later watch it, note that this might not be the exact words used, but the meanings are the same.
Now the other soap is about a prediction by a priestess to a queen, that her daughter was to be married into an enemy kingdom and it was inevitable.
Naturally the queen resisted and did all she could to stop it from happening. But by some selfish decision of her husband — the king — the rippling effect brought about the inevitable.
I would like to think I would do better than the princess, but it can’t be easy marrying someone you hate — with good reason. But marry him she did, in order to safe her people.
I wonder how many women in history sacrificed one thing or the other to safe there people.
Women still do so today. More often than not, they sacrifice their freedom to get married. More often than not, they sacrifice their dreams to raise a family, to ‘keep’ their marriage.
Too much has always been demanded of women and too little have they gained in return. It’s just not fair. But like my senior pastor once said, ‘Life is not fair, but you have to demand your fair share from life.’
I think we women can have it all. But we need to choose our battles. We need to define ourselves based on what God shows us about ourselves and outside what the society defines us.
I have been trying to memorise a song from the Potter’s House Mass Choir, titled, “I was made to Worship You (God)”
The song is on YouTube. I find it a refreshing break from all that everyone thinks women are made for. Some will say we are made for men. I say women are made for more.
If you — man or woman — don’t know anything else about yourself, hold on to the fact that you were made to worship God. Then allow God to show you all you are made for — one step at a time.