Christian Musings

Why Singles are Still “Single” 5: Circumstances Beyond Control

Hello wherever you are!😊 It’s good to be back — even if I have been away for only a few days. How are you doing? And how’s life treating you? Please don’t ask me ‘How about you?’ — at least not today. I will try and explain why. Don’t worry, we are still on topic.

Like a lot of people, especially girls, I had lots of dreams and it all depended on me to make them happen. If I studied hard, prayed hard, and lived a holy life, everything will turn out as planned.

Well, I didn’t study hard, pray hard, and I struggled a lot with spiritual exercises. So in more ways than one, I guess I saw it coming, because things didn’t happen when and how  l envisioned they would. But, I picked myself up and soldiered on. I took another route — learning a craft. It was while I was learning, that I became sick. This time I couldn’t pick myself up for years. I was devastated. I couldn’t study and I was always weak. It was a nightmare, because I had plans for what I had started.

Having a romantic relationship was the last thing on my mind. Not that there was anyone interested. I couldn’t take care of myself much less another. It was a strain on my family. I thought, “What am I going to do?!”

My journey in the world of academics suffered a set back. I never imagined that things will turn out the way they did, but well, life happened. I struggled with health, I struggled with my faith.

I was mad at God though I couldn’t stop loving Him or serving Him. Guess I was to connected to be disconnected. Yet all I could do was dream and pray.

This went on for years.

The time I imagined I will have my first degree flew by. I’m at the level where I imagined I would be at least seven years old in marriage and working towards baby👶 or set of babies number two — I wanted to space my babies by about five years.

Well, I’m hopeful even the way things are, I’m doing the best I can with what I have, to the best of my knowledge. It doesn’t seem like enough.

I know what it’s like to be independent minded and striving to earn one’s financial independence, yet one is still buming with ones parents.

My mum called me a parasite the other day. I felt old wounds rip open and new wounds inflicted. I knew I felt like one, but I knew I was not a parasite. But do you blame her? She’s feeding, clothing and sheltering a woman who is supposed to be at the level of the Proverbs 31 woman. 

I felt stuck. I thought of getting a job, but ‘something’ (it had better be God otherwise…. I don’t know what I’ll do) told me to wait. Hmmm… I’m waiting. I have been for over 10 years. But what else is there to do? I’m skilled in two crafts : Cake Baking and Fashion Designs. I registered to sell Forever Living Products a natural health  supplements and beauty products company. Fantastic products by the way. Yet I struggled with patronage. I wanted to have my own business.

You may not be in my shoes. But you may feel stuck in place by something that isn’t allowing you to maximize your potentials and be the best of you, that you know you are capable of.

Keep hope/faith alive and keep trying something new and different or try the same thing differently — even if it’s changing the position of your bed.

Keep reaching out to people, you feel or think can be of help, either emotionally, physically, mentally, socially or materially.

Keep dreaming and write down your dreams, then see what you can do where you are, with what you have and what you know, to lay the foundation of the reality of your dreams.

Keep advancing yourself anyway you can. Keep your eyes open for free courses that match your aspirations and register.

Anything worth doing at all is worth doing well, therefore put in your best into everything you are doing. I mean, if you are going to do something you might as well put in your best.

Have dignity but don’t be proud. Don’t be too proud to accept help or assistance especially when you need it badly. Dignity is when you are or have done your best. There’s after all dignity in labour. Be humble enough to be grateful when help/assistance comes your way — the only reason you should reject help is when it comes with strings attached. Be careful to not jump on any help. It could be a trap. So I implore us to be cautious.

I learnt this next point in a leadership course I’m taking:

Do what is available. Don’t insist on doing what you want to do, because what you want to do may not be marketable. 

Well, it made sense, but I kept thinking in frustration, ‘I am doing what is available to me!’ It was when I began to pray, about my financial state, that I had a light 💡bulb moment. Who says prayers don’t work? 

It was something I have been doing all along, but didn’t think could fetch me an income. When it manifests, I will let you know.

If you have tried on your own and everything seems to be beyond your understanding, buggling your mind like an ancient language; why don’t you pray about it to God? Tell it to God in prayer. It works! 


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